I’ve been blessed all my life. Even with the trials I’ve faced, I have always been able to see the good that has blossomed despite difficult circumstances. So with all my life experience, you would think that this weekend should not have come as a surprise to me…and yet it did.

So what happened this weekend? Pure selflessness happened… and it astonishes me every time. I am blown away by the complete out pour of love and support that we experienced this weekend as a family. I have so many thank you notes to write it literally might take me the rest of this year to finish them all.

The PTA at my husband’s school got together and organized a fundraiser for our son Gideon at the Ball Park in Arlington. One of the PTA moms works for a company who generously allowed them to use their center-field box suite!! Have you ever watched a Rangers game (or any ball game for that matter) from a suite?? It was AAAAMAZING! Not only was it the nicest and biggest suite ever (seriously there were at least 7 rooms); but it was complete with flat screen TVs, four old school arcade games, huge balcony and a foosball table. And the amazing-ness didn’t stop there. They had it catered (and donated) by Maggiano’s and it was open bar. So basically all the proceeds, every last bit, went into an account for my son. I think you will all agree with me when I say that Abbett Elementary has the BEST. PTA. EVER!

This wonderful group of people did an amazing job and they raised a lot of money- for which, we are so grateful! But what was more significant to me than the awesome setting or profits was the heart that went into all of this. Complete selflessness. Everyone involved, looking for some way to help (even if they didn’t know us that well). Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure the open bar was enticing for some (lol), but everyone had a genuine concern and love for my sweet little boy and our family…and it was all because my husband lovingly hollers at their kids for 45 minutes of PE every day! It was a sincere gathering of people who were being the hands and feet of Jesus, whether they realized it or not.

If love was an ocean, we were drowning in it. And you know what? We have been ever since Gideon’s diagnosis. Our family, our friends, and people we don’t even know…thanks to Mama Laughlin… have been so supportive with their prayers and their gifts, that I’m overwhelmed with tears just thinking about it. In fact let me go ahead and say thank you. If you have prayed for us, or given to us online, or loved on us- we are forever in your debt. You have been so selfless…and we are so thankful.

I have to brag on my husband for a little bit. Kevin is wonderful for a million reasons; but for reason #45,323- we have some amazing discussions! He doesn’t hold any kind of theology degree but he is profoundly wise when it comes to Jesus. Kevin has these moments that seem to start out so random, and then when he’s finished talking I can’t help but think to myself, “Holy crap, this guy chose me!” He would probably prefer I not share this- simply because he’s more of an introvert when it comes to his intimate thoughts. However, I think it’s worth sharing given our circumstances and this past week.

Lying in bed the other night, Kevin told me about a conversation he recently had with someone. This person said he felt like it should be him going through our situation because of his own sinful past; but the thought of giving up or losing his own son was too unbearable. So Kevin started thinking, “What if the shoe was on the other foot? Would we willingly give up our son, so someone else didn’t have to go through this?” Crazy to think about, right?  I don’t think anyone would offer to give up his or her own child, that’s just absurd! We love them too much!! After all, they belong to us!!!

Or do they?

Kevin said the conversation with this person got him thinking about the brokenness and sin in his own life. He said he made a mental list (not hard given our past) and for every sin he could come up with, at its core was selfishness. Think about it, why do people deceive, murder, lie, commit adultery, steal, or covet (just to name a few)? Because they want something so bad they are willing to do those things to satisfy a selfish desire.

So after that realization, my husband said the following-

“At the core of every sin is selfishness. So by giving up His Son, God did the most selfless act possible to cure our sin of selfishness.” –Kevin Jolicoeur

I think his statement is profound and worth sharing- God showed us what it means to be selfless. He selflessly gave what is most precious and dear. He gave…what we cannot fathom giving…in order to help us in the sinful state we are in. Jesus died so we could spend eternity with Him. What appeared as a moment of victory for darkness, God used for the  greatest good of all time.

We were fortunate this weekend (and this past week) to see so many people be completely selfless…the Abbett family, Mama Laughlin and her readers, family and friends…You are examples of what it means to be selfless. I’m surprised every time by people’s willingness to give, and I’m not sure why. Maybe feeling that kind of love and support is just so overwhelming, it comes as a shock. Or maybe it’s because I get to see first hand, that my son’s life means something to others besides us. Nevertheless, so many have been reaching out and making a difference in this season of our lives…So many have offered to put our needs ahead of their own. So many have touched our hearts.

If that’s been you, thank you…from the bottom of our hearts, thank you!! You have given up time and possessions that are important to you in order to help us walk through this. Your acts of kindness are beyond anything we could have hoped for and your sacrifices have not gone unnoticed. They have been received with the joyful tears and cries of sincere gratitude. We thank Jesus for you!! So let me close and just say it again. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you for being so selfless.

If you watched the news a few weeks back, there was a heartwarming story about a 3-year-old boy named Grayson. He was born deaf and was the first child in the country to receive a hearing implant on his brain stem. If you saw the video of him hearing his daddy’s voice for the first time, then you probably cried along with the rest of us. (Click Here to see that story.)

It truly was an amazing moment to watch, and his sweet reaction probably exceeded his parents expectations. I was thinking about that video leading up to Gideon getting his hearing aides. I had certain expectations for our own sweet boy as our big day drew near. Thankfully my husband reminded me that because Gideon was a lot younger, he might not have the same reaction as the little boy from the news. I’m so glad he brought that to my attention early in the week, because unfortunately, he was right.

Yesterday my sweet Gideon got his hearing aids and to put it plainly…he hates them. (As you can tell by this photo.) He tries to rip his ears off anyways, so putting these little devices on them really makes him mad. On top of having foreign objects shoved in his ears, he really doesn’t like the sound of the world around him. Our audiologist, Kristin King, was so patient and wonderful with him….and us! She taught us all about the maintenance and care for the hearing aids, while Gideon screamed most of the time. If all her patients react like Gideon, then she has a really tough job.

Thinking about my expectations, there was something I was hoping for and if you watch the video I think you can see it… Gideon has a moment where his eyes get really big because he does hear us clearly for the first time. It was a small, short moment of surprise before the tears began (my fault as you will see), but it was still sweet moment of joy for mommy and daddy. To see my little warrior’s reaction click HERE.

Could you see it? It’s crazy to think that this whole new world for Gideon will be a whole new set of obstacles for us. I’m not complaining, just observing. After yesterday, I’ve thrown out all my unrealistic expectations for this next chapter of his life. I’m confident there will be a constant battle of trying to keep them in his ears and out of his mouth…he will probably hate the sound of our world for a long time (especially since big sister like to get right up in his face when she talks to him)…and I have a feeling in two weeks Gideon will no longer cry about them–not because he’s accustomed to them, but because we will have forgotten to change the batteries.

I guess my point to all this rambling is that expectations are okay sometimes. We expect our spouse to be loving and kind. Bosses expect employees to do their job. Parents expect their kids to act a certain way. But how many times do we place unrealistic expectations on our family, friends, and even ourselves? And then, when they (or we) don’t live up to those expectations, we get disappointed. At the end of the day, we have to let some stuff go. You and your spouse aren’t perfect. Employees mess up. And like Gideon, sometimes our kids don’t react the way we hope they would. Let’s face it, life has a whole lot more joy when we let go of expectations.

Gideon didn’t respond to his hearing aids like Grayson did. And that’s okay, they’re not the same kid. Our big day was still great for us. My little boy has the means to hear better! I was talking with my husband last night about how lucky we are to have Gideon. Having a child with a peroxisomal disorder isn’t what we expected; but since he’s been here, he has changed us in a way that’s been unexpected yet remarkable. And because of that, I can’t help but proclaim how great is our God?! He’s doing something amazing through my little boy and he’s only 8 month old! It’s been a crazy ride, but as a family, we are learning every day to let go of what we expect and grab onto the One who knows what’s to come.

Today was one of those days where my plans for the day all fell into place…mostly. After getting 3 hours of sleep the night before…thank you Gideon… I had just a few things on my to-do list for the day. I got some things shipped, picked up some groceries, and took the kids swimming… and thanks to my wonderful mother, I even got a 2 hour nap!!

So since everything was going swimmingly (I crack myself up), I decided I would get the kids bathed early so they could go to bed right at bed time. Of course I should have known better; how often times do all our plans actually work out the way we plan?

The unravel happened when my daughter went outside to briefly “check” on her daddy. You can imagine how my eyes rolled when my bed-ready-big-sis came back in soaking wet. My husband had been working on the sprinklers out back & what I saw as a major inconvenience, he saw as an opportunity for father-daughter bonding. He decided they needed some play time in the sprinklers. Laynie was thrilled. Me? Not so much.

As I was bathing her for the second time, my husband smiled and said to me, “Sorry I ruined your plans.” My heart sank. I told him I really wasn’t that upset about it- I just wasn’t expecting such events to unfold the way they did. But I am so grateful for a husband who looks for opportunities to spontaneously play and show love to our kiddos.

In regards to my plans, I learned a long time ago (and it’s being reinforced daily) that I can make plans all day long; but the Lord’s plan has and always will supersede my own. I think lots of people know and love Jeremiah 29:11 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you                               and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I don’t know about you, but I haven’t always had the best response when plans don’t go my way.  My hope is that with each passing day, I respond more in love and less in frustration. After all, how many times have my plans failed, but the Lord has brought something better that I might have missed if my plans had worked out?

Thank you Lord for Your plans! Had Laynie gone to bed on time I would’ve missed out on some things. I’m so grateful for these unplanned moments tonight- the sweetest conversation with Laynie about giving; blowing bubbles; watching Laynie and her daddy play chase; laughing as Laynie danced around in her birthday suit, rocking both my babies at the same time…while listening to my oldest baby sing to her Sofia dolly.

If I’ve learned anything since my son’s diagnosis, it’s that time is precious. The time to love and invest in our kids and others is flying by!! Don’t miss out on opportunities because of the plans you’ve made. Sure we all need a plan of action, but if it doesn’t go our way, let’s not get frustrated. Instead how about we ask God, what are you trying to show me?? Chances are, God wants to turn your attention to matters far more important than anything else you can imagine.

Thank you God for my family time tonight. Give me Your eyes to always see the bigger picture…Your plan.