It’s nice to see you break down. It’s good to know you’re human.
A sweet friend spoke those words over me after I lost it while talking about Gideon last week. The flood gates don’t open often, but when they do….watch out! Sometimes you just got to empty the bucket.
I think people perceive that I have it all together, simply because I can talk about Gideon with little or no emotion. In fact, several months ago another friend who has a child with a disability asked me, “How do I get to where you are?”
Truthfully, I don’t have it all together, 24/7. I hate this genetic disorder. I grieve my son’s circumstances and the future suffering he will face. But often times, it’s not the big issues that weigh me down. Confessing those & giving them to the Lord is easy. For me, it’s the little things that get to me. I hold onto them. I’m not as quick to acknowledge how those little inconveniences affect me. I tend to bury them and just push forward. But like a bucket beneath a slow leak, the tiny drops eventually accumulate to the brim. And the bucket begins to spill, until it’s intentionally (or unintentionally) emptied.
Yesterday when Kevin brought Gideon home from the dentist, the last drop hit the bucket. Apparently brushing Gideon’s teeth twice a day, isn’t good enough because he’s on Pediasure. So now I have to brush his teeth every time he takes a bottle….Every. Freaking.Time. This really isn’t that big of a deal, but it’s frustrating because it’s just one more thing added to the list of his daily needs.
The timing for this news wasn’t ideal either. I was already upset because I was about to go pick up Gideon’s cortef prescription. We really are fortunate because he doesn’t need this medication daily, only when he’s sick. But now I have to watch YouTube videos to learn how to give my son a shot…just in case. This was not on my top 10 list of fun things to do on a Saturday. Again, it’s not that big of a deal. But it is just one more thing. One more drop in the bucket.
Maybe you can relate. Maybe you’re in a season right now, where it just seems like one thing after another keeps dropping in your bucket. Over time, those little inconveniences add up and if we don’t handle them as they arise eventually our bucket will begin to spill over into every area of our lives. We need to be intentional and take some time to empty the bucket.
In my opinion, the only way we can be at peace in the circumstances that we face is to let go of what we cannot control & rest in the arms of the One who never leaves us (Deuteronomy 31:8). For me, I have found that when I tell God my concerns and spend time in His Word, my focus shifts from my son to His Son. And when that happens, I’m reminded daily to empty my bucket before it ever has the chance to fill up.
Have you emptied your bucket lately?
The foot of the cross is a great place to do that.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28