Recovery From Baby Number 3

Recovery from baby number 3 was no joke. In fact, Josiah is 9 weeks old and of those past 9 weeks, we have been home for the last 3 weeks. Where were we for the first 6 weeks, you ask?? Allow me to explain.

I was not planning on having a cesarean. I have two other kids for crying out loud. Who has time for a cesarean when you have other children? Ain’t no mom got time for that! And to make things a bit more complicated, my middle son Gideon (age 3) is blind, deaf, non-verbal and he cannot walk or crawl. Needless to say, I pretty much do everything for him: feeding, diapering, moving from one activity to the next. He’s completely dependent on me during the day. And what’s the one thing I’m not allowed to do after a cesarean?Carry/pick up anything heavier than my newborn.

Did I mention Gideon is 27 pounds of dead weight?

So for the first 6 weeks of Josiah’s life, we temporarily moved in with my parents. Now this isn’t the worst thing that could have happened. After all, Kevin and I are both very blessed to have families willing (and eager!) to help… especially when it involves those grand-babies.

So why was I so upset those first few weeks that we stayed there? I mean, between my parents and Kevin’s parents, I pretty much didn’t have to lift a finger for my kids or myself. Meals were handled. I could nap when I needed to. So what was the big deal?

Answer: My pride.

I wasn’t just recovering from a c-section… I was recovering from my own self-reliance. Webster defines someone who is self-reliant as relying on one’s own powers and resources rather than those of others. 

I struggle with this the most when it comes to carrying for the special needs of my son. Not because I don’t trust others to care for him; after all, the grandparents know better than anyone how to care for him besides me and Kevin. If I’m being honest, I don’t want Gideon to ever feel like a burden to others. And I think that’s because there have been days when everything that goes into caring for him weighs heavy.. and it feels burdensome to me. 🙁

But trying to be self-reliant AND care for someone like Gideon will never work. That’s what I feel like the Lord has shown me over these past two months. I cannot do this alone. And the beautiful part is that I don’t have to. Between our families and friends, I don’t have to be self-reliant. I can allow others (and even ask others) for help when I need it so that those burdensome feelings for me are fewer and farther between.

Now here’s the cool part of these past 9 weeks. First, Josiah’s test results came back. He does NOT have PBD!! (We figured, but it’s nice to have confirmation!) And second, Gideon’s name came up on the Deaf Blind Multiple Disabilities List of Texas, which means the state will now PAY for someone to come in and help me with his care for 8 hours a day!!! And thankfully the people we got to hire are my mom, my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law. How freaking cool is that?!

The past 9 weeks have been a whirlwind. I cried when we found out we were approved for respite services. Although I don’t know why I’m always so surprised. Given our history, it’s clear that the Lord’s provisions are always on time.

Dear God,

Forgive me for trying to do the hard things on my own. Praise you Father for always providing as you continue to make me more Christ-reliant.


A Recovering Self-Reliant




4 thoughts on “Recovery From Baby Number 3

  1. Samantha
    I always thought that God does not give you more than you can handle. When I would see Your aunt Kay and my cousin loving her deaf child John Mark, I learned that God gave her that child because of her love, strength and gift to bring him up right and handle his needs. I have never met Gideon but hope to at Christmas this year. But I know your mom and dad and know they have the same traits as Kay, I think it runs in the family. After reading and following your blog, I see the family traits in you to your family and hope to see you soon.

    Barbara Jo

    1. Thanks Barbara for your kind and encouraging words. My parents are pretty amazing people, as was Aunt Kay! I do think God gives us more than we can handle, but I believe He does that so we are constantly relying on Him. Disabilities can be tough on families, but I’ve seen more good come from it than bad. And if I’m being honest the bad (or hard) parts usually reveal an underlying issue of pride and selfishness. At least that’s been the case for me. 🙂 Love you guys and hope to see yall at Christmas this year as well!! 🙂

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