I have trouble being still

Monday morning I went to my P31 Fitness class and since the weather was nice, our instructor gave us options- outdoor run or indoor run. I chose the outdoors.

To make a long story short, towards the end of the run, I was transitioning from the street to the side walk, and as soon as I stepped on the curb, my ankle said, nope!

It rolled to the outside and I dropped to the ground. After lying on the pavement, trying to play it cool, my P31 ladies helped me up… but I couldn’t even hop on my good leg without bouncing the other. The pain was real. I was so embarrassed that they had to CARRY ME to my friend’s car. When my instructor asked me what I wanted to do, the other ladies all told me I needed to go to the ER. As soon as I saw it, I knew they were right.


I cried as my friend Joelle drove me there. Not because of the pain, but because all I could think of was, “How am I going to take care of Gideon and Laynie, if I can’t walk?!?”

The more I thought about that, the more I realized I wasn’t even going to be able to completely care for myself!!  And if I couldn’t even care for myself, then how was I going to….Change diapers? Feed my kids? Do the laundry? Get Gideon to therapy? (Let’s be real, how was I going to get Gideon from the crib to…anywhere?)

Thankfully nothing was broken (although I hear broken bones heal faster than my stretched out ligaments will). So they put me in a boot and gave me crutches… Joy. When I got home, I did the only thing I knew to do. I called my mom and my mother in law.

Being temporarily disabled is a humbling expereince. I’m a careGIVER. The Lord began preparing me to be Gideon’s mother when my sister was paralyzed back in 1997. For the past 18 years, I have watched (and helped) my parents care for her; so naturally, caring for another is easy to me. But to BE cared for is something I’m not familiar with and quite frankly it’s frustrating.

I have trouble being still and I struggle relying on others for help. I’ve gotten better since Gideon was born, but apparently these are areas of my life where I still struggle. I think my need for control is definitely a factor. That, and I don’t like to inconvenience anyone.

Looks like I have lots of time now and in the days to come to work on those areas.

God is smiling because He finally has my attention…

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