Yesterday was horrible. Nothing bad happened, I was just in an emotional funk. I let my Monday carry over into my Tuesday. And all that remained from my Monday was frustration.
Monday was Gideon’s ABR (hearing test) and the results came back as expected… His hearing has gotten worse. He’s no longer considered to have moderate to severe loss; now it’s just severe. We knew when we got the PBD diagnosis last August that this would happen. So I wasn’t really surprised by the results on Monday, just frustrated.
Then yesterday morning started out with an unexpected visit from Gideon’s case worker. She came with his Tuesday morning therapist because at her last visit she noticed Gideon was hitting himself much harder. She was concerned because if this behavior is not re-directed, he’ll move on to eye gauging, head banging and lots of other self-destructive/sensory seeking behaviors. Like the hearing loss, this is something we knew could and probably would happen.
But to be reminded of things that are wrong with my son is defeating. And I feel like that’s all that happened Monday and Tuesday. Those two days were a constant reminder of a tiring and sad future.
As I was driving home from my mom and dad’s house yesterday, I lost it. Weeping and whaling, I turned the radio up- hoping my daughter wouldn’t notice…you can guess how well that worked out.
Not only did my 4 year old notice…but she said something I’ll never forget.
It was by no coincidence that the song One Thing Remains (by Kristian Stanfill) was playing at that particular moment; and this line was repeating over and over-
Your love never fails, never gives up
Never runs out on me
After the 3rd time it repeated, Laynie asked, “Mom, are you sad because Gideon is losing his hearing?” I shook my head yes. Then she sweetly said, “Mom, you know, my love never runs out either.”
Precious girl, sometimes I think she and Jesus are in cahoots. I so needed reassurance in that moment and how precious that God used Laynie to remind me of His love.
Of all the reminders I received over the last two days, that was the one I needed most. The past two days I’ve focused only on the negative. Thankfully my focus was re-directed to where it should always be. Jesus.
Yesterday ended with me being reminded of this truth.
He’s Higher than the mountains that you face.
He’s Stronger than the power of the grave.
He’s Constant in the trial and the change.
One Thing Remains- Him
Let this be all that remains when you lay your head down tonight.