Yesterday was horrible. Nothing bad happened, I was just in an emotional funk. I let my Monday carry over into my Tuesday. And all that remained from my Monday was frustration.

Monday was Gideon’s ABR (hearing test) and the results came back as expected… His hearing has gotten worse. He’s no longer considered to have moderate to severe loss; now it’s just severe. We knew when we got the PBD diagnosis last August that this would happen. So I wasn’t really surprised by the results on Monday, just frustrated.

Then yesterday morning started out with an unexpected visit from Gideon’s case worker. She came with his Tuesday morning therapist because at her last visit she noticed Gideon was hitting himself much harder. She was concerned because if this behavior is not re-directed, he’ll move on to eye gauging, head banging and lots of other self-destructive/sensory seeking behaviors. Like the hearing loss, this is something we knew could and probably would happen.

But to be reminded of things that are wrong with my son is defeating. And I feel like that’s all that happened Monday and Tuesday. Those two days were a constant reminder of a tiring and sad future.

As I was driving home from my mom and dad’s house yesterday, I lost it. Weeping and whaling, I turned the radio up- hoping my daughter wouldn’t notice…you can guess how well that worked out.

Not only did my 4 year old notice…but she said something I’ll never forget.

It was by no coincidence that the song One Thing Remains (by Kristian Stanfill) was playing at that particular moment; and this line was repeating over and over-

 Your love never fails, never gives up
Never runs out on me

After the 3rd time it repeated, Laynie asked, “Mom, are you sad because Gideon is losing his hearing?” I shook my head yes. Then she sweetly said, “Mom, you know, my love never runs out either.”

Precious girl, sometimes I think she and Jesus are in cahoots. I so needed reassurance in that moment and how precious that God used Laynie to remind me of His love.

Of all the reminders I received over the last two days, that was the one I needed most. The past two days I’ve focused only on the negative. Thankfully my focus was re-directed to where it should always be. Jesus.

Yesterday ended with me being reminded of this truth.

He’s Higher than the mountains that you face.

He’s Stronger than the power of the grave. 

He’s Constant in the trial and the change. 

One Thing Remains-  Him

Let this be all that remains when you lay your head down tonight.

Gideon has an ABR scheduled this morning at 9 am. Auditory Brainstem Response is a fancy name for a hearing test and he has to be sedated for it…which means he has to fast- both food and rest.  🙁

He had an ABR back in September and it showed that he had moderate to severe hearing loss in both ears. Because Gideon has PBD chances are his hearing will continue to get worse.

I’m not really worried about it…just frustrated. Days like these I can’t help but look into the future. I don’t visit the future much because it makes me sad. Days like these remind me that things will only get harder as time goes on.

It’s so easy to fall into a pit of despair on days like these- when I feel out of control; when I feel alone; when I feel beat down by the road I’m on. I’m sure you can relate.

I listen to KLove and/or Air1 in the mornings on my phone because I need to be filled with as much of Jesus as I can. The song that was playing just now was by Unspoken. Fitting song for how I’m feeling this morning. Maybe you need to hear it too. It’s called Lift My Life Up.

You brought me this far
So why would I question You now
You have provided
So why would I start to doubt
I’ve never been stranded, abandoned
Or left here to fight alone
So I’m giving You control

Chorus
I lift my life, lift my life up
I give it all in surrender
I lift my heart, lift my heart up
You can have it forever
All my dreams, all my plans
Lord,†I leave it in Your hands
I lift my life, lift my life up
Have Your way in me
Have Your way in me

If peace is a river let it sweep over me
If I’m under fire I know it’s refining me
When I hear You calling out I follow now
Wherever the road may go
I know You’re leading me home

Take my life let it be
All for You
Take my life let it be
All for You

Lord, it’s so hard to do..but I’m surrendering my little man to You (again) this morning…and every morning. Help me to relinquish control as I trust in You. I pray for those reading this morning- that You would help them to do the same. You know what they’re facing. You’re not surprised by any of our circumstances or choices. Thank You for loving & forgiving us… even though we sometimes struggle to trust and love You. Amen.

I love my kiddos. I want them to grow up to be compassionate, forgiving and wise adults. So like every parent, I’m always looking for opportunities to teach life lessons.

But as we all know, there are some lessons you just can’t plan for. Some are just divinely given…and sometimes they come from our kids.

Laynie woke up early this morning. I was feeding Gideon when she came into his room.

She was excited about hunting Easter eggs at Mimi’s house later in the day. That’s when it hit me- I had not put together our own Easter egg hunt. I was so unprepared and worried that Laynie would be disappointed.

Thankfully Laynie didn’t ask about our hunt; so after I finished feeding Gideon, I woke Kevin up and had him distract Laynie while I scrambled to throw something together. I had about 15 eggs, some change and half a bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs. So I quickly filled each egg with coins or candy and slipped out the door to hide the eggs.

When I came back in, I grabbed our Bible. Kevin and I read (more like paraphrased) through Luke 24; and then we talked with Laynie about why we celebrate Easter and who really hides the eggs.

Needless to say, everything turned out great even though I was unprepared. When Laynie came back in to open her eggs, she was so excited about the coins that she asked me to get her Save/Spend/Give jars down so she could put away her money. So of course, I thought I’d use this opportunity to teach her a mini lesson about money.

But the real lesson was about to be taught by her. Half way through opening her eggs, she opened an empty one. Apparently in the midst of rushing to stuff the eggs, I had forgotten to fill one of them. But instead of disappointment about the egg being empty, Laynie’s face was filled with excitement.

“This one represents the empty tomb!! This one means that Jesus is alive and in Heaven! We talked about this last night at church!!”

MY. HEART. MELTED!!  (Thank you Lakepointe-FW Children’s Ministry!!)

At that moment I realized my mini lesson about money was so insignificant when compared to what God wanted to teach my little girl… and me!

This was such a cool opportunity to keep the true meaning of Easter going. I had heard of resurrection eggs before but I’m a poor planner and forgot all about them this year.

I called my mom before we drove to her house and made sure she left one egg empty as well. Laynie was just as excited to find another resurrection egg. And she was just as excited to tell everyone why it was empty.

Whether you perfectly planned it or not, I hope your Easter was all about Him.