Monthly Archives: November 2013

The Willing Heart of a Child

Faith & Hope
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This past Saturday my family and I went with other members of our life group to serve with a ministry called C.O.O.L. Kids. The people who run this ministry provide food, fun and the love of Jesus to children in that community EVERY Saturday. They make sure that every sweet kid who comes in through their doors leaves full of physical, emotional, and spiritual nourishment.
This past weekend with COOL Kids was significant not only because this was our first time serving with this ministry, but because it was also our first time to serve alongside both our children.
On our way there, we talked with Laynie about what we would be doing and why it was so important. We told her that these children needed someone to love on and play with them. With a heart so willing she  replied, “Hey! I can do that!!”
To say my heart was moved would be an understatement. If I’m being honest my heart wasn’t as willing. I was sick and had been up all night. Not to mention it was cold and raining. But hearing her enthusiasm and willingness made me think of Isaiah 6:8 “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”
Have you ever thought of responding to God’s calling like that? “Here I am, send me!!” Or have you been given a task and responded enthusiastically like Laynie-  “Hey! I can do that!!” I wish I could say that I always respond with such a willing heart when it comes to serving. Unfortunately my selfishness is often times in conflict with the knowledge of my heart. The whole way there I wasn’t looking forward to serving, but thanks to Laynie’s enthusiasm, my attitude changed.
I think we can all say our kids teach us daily. But her response changed my outlook. I’m confident that God used her to remind me of the bigger picture and how I should respond to such opportunities.
I know without a doubt the lessons I learn from Laynie (& Gideon) are specifically designed for me before the day begins- and they always come with a reassurance I need from The Lord.
Is there something that God is calling you to do or be a part of? Do you respond with the willing heart of a child or do you find yourself like me-stuck in your comfort zone?
The small time we shared with the COOL Kids was meaningful and significant- maybe not by the world’s standards, but definitely by God’s. My hope is that with each passing day, my heart will be more willing to serve eagerly like my daughter. To see an opportunity to love and say,  “Hey! I can do that! Send me Lord!”
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Blinded

Faith & Hope

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We all take things for granted from time to time. Some days are worse than others. But I can honestly say, before Gideon, I had never given a second thought about my ability to see.

I have worried for some time now that my little man was mostly blind. Several of his behaviors and a  young Optometrist (who “understood“) suggested so; but despite that, I was holding out hope until we went to our regular Ophthalmologist.  Last Thursday was that appointment. And the eye test itself, went surprisingly well. Gideon tested both eyes together and even individually- using an eye patch!! Go figure! I thought for sure we would be leaving that office with two kids in tears (I took Laynie too).

Turns out I was the only kid in tears when we left.

I love our Ophthalmologist… His chair-side-manner is great! He is one of a handful of doctors that gets teary-eyed when talking about Gideon‘s condition. After looking at Gideon’s test results, he concluded that he has cortical visual impairment, or CVI. Unfortunately, this form of impairment is caused by a brain problem rather than an eye problem. Given his genetic disorder, I was not surprised.

Another reason I love Dr. Shidlofsky (say that three times fast) is because of how he explains things. He always finds a way to “dumb it down” for me. Thursday he told me that CVI is like having “Swiss cheese vision.” Gideon may pick up pockets of vision from time to time, but he probably won’t be able to make out what he sees. Sadly his test results suggest the visual parts of his brain did not peak very often and when they did, they were low. Needless to say, I’ve done some crying since Thursday.

I’ve been putting off writing about this because my heart is heavy….and because frankly, I’m down right mad. In a weird way, I feel like I’ve been blinded. I’ve been struggling to see the positive side of all this and like most people in my situation would, I find myself going through stages where I am angry…so angry, I can’t shut off the tears. I feel like I’m in a fog and I can’t see two feet in front of me. I know others have been blessed by our journey, but most days I don’t feel blessed by this. Like many before me, I keep asking God why has this been allowed to happen to us?

A couple of days ago, I re-read the story of how Jesus healed a blind man. In the past, I had not paid much attention to the verses before the healing…

John 9: 1-3, says As He went along, He saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

Let me just clarify, while that verse speaks volumes as to the “why” we are going through this, I still don’t like it. I hope my honesty doesn’t offend anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still confident God knows best, but at the end of another weary day, I Still. Don’t. Like. It!

Am I the only one who struggles with this?? Has God allowed something to come into your life that’s blinded you, but at it’s core you know it will bless you and/or others? Have you thrown your hands up like me and said, “Please God, bless someone else!”

God being glorified is the why to all this. But I’m completely blind as to what God has in mind for the bigger picture. I know one day (maybe not this side of Heaven) our eyes will be open to the magnitude of all this. We will be able to see what God was doing all along. But for now….today….I’m blind…and sad.

I find it interesting that God allowed Gideon to have ‘light perception.’ No matter where we are, Gideon always turns his eyes up towards the light. Watching him do that today reminded me of Psalm 121:1. “I lift up my eyes to the mountains- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

Maybe that’s one of Gideon’s purposes in life…to remind me, and maybe you, to turn our eyes up…towards what we can see, The Light.

 

 

Never Once

Faith & Hope

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There’s a song I heard this morning by Matt Redman, called Never Once. I’ve heard it a thousand times but this morning it was as if I heard for the first time. If you haven’t heard it, CLICK HERE to listen to it. The lyrics are below…

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

As I was getting ready this morning, Gideon was in his rocker chair and he was doing what he always does-staring aimlessly towards the light. So of course my mind began to wonder, on top of all his other issues, will he ever be independent to do the smallest task, like walk from the bathroom to the kitchen??

So with that question my mind went down that road of all the challenges he would face with his vision & hearing impairment and I thought to myself, Lord how will he and I ever get through this? It was at that moment that my K-Love app began playing this song…and I lost it.

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Do those lyrics speak to you like they do me? I’ve sang this song countless times and praised Him for carrying me through past trials. But in the midst of my recent storm, I often forget just how faithful He is. I forget that I have stood on the mountain top and God never let me climb it by myself. I am never asked to face anything alone. Never once, has God left me to my own strength. Psalm 23 is just one great reminder of that truth.

Are you walking through a difficult season in your life? Is your battle ground covered with blood, sweat and tears? Have you cried out to God to fix your situation and He’s never seemed more silent?? Please know you’re not alone.

Sometimes I feel so broken- struggling with how I will go on one more day. And somehow in those moments, like an infant snuggle into the chest of her father, I realize that He’s carrying me. And as crazy as it sounds, I find joy…because I’m not alone.

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

God always finds a way to remind me that I’m not alone. Just like I do with Gideon. Even though he can’t see me and can barely hear me, I still find a way to make sure Gideon knows I’m there…that he’s never alone.

And I believe God does the same for us.