So I downloaded this new app called Timehop, and I must admit that I am a bit obsessed with it! Basically the app links to your social media accounts and it shows what you posted a year (or two years) ago on that very day.

So since Gideon turned 15 months old yesterday, I eagerly opened my Timehop app to see what I said a year ago when he turned 3 months old. Here’s what I posted-

I cringed when I read this, and honestly I was totally embarrassed. I remember vividly this feeling of frustration and hopelessness- and to make it worse, I felt like no one understood.  As I shared this post with my husband yesterday he said, “Wow, what a difference a year makes.”

A year ago I felt so lost. I was beyond exhausted & depressed. We still had no answers as to what was wrong with our son. Even though I was trying to stay positive, deep down I was spiraling out of control. I felt as though that season of life would never end.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you’re in a season right now that has lasted for years. While some seasons last longer than others, I do believe that every season was intended to end.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 says, “There is a time to cry and a time to laugh. There is a time to be sad and a time to dance with joy.” I remember reading that a year ago and asking God, “When do I get to laugh again??? Will I ever dance with joy again?!?!

One year later our season of joy and laughter has returned. Even with the knowledge of Gideon’s diagnosis, we smile because we know God is faithful. And today I know something in my heart that a year ago I only knew in my head- “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” With Christ, I can make it through the sleepless nights. With Christ, I can face the unknowns. With Christ, I can be a good mom…even in the most exhausting seasons of life.

I really like this Timehop app. Like a journal, it’s allowed me to look back and see how far God has brought us this past year with Gideon.

If you seem to be stuck in a season of life, I want to encourage you to keep pressing on. Seek God through prayer and stay in His Word. And never forget that He is faithful even when we are faithless.

What a difference a year makes.

Even Laynie’s joy has returned.

Interruptions in our day can be so frustrating. You’d think after the year I’ve had with Gideon I’d be used to them by now… But I’m not. Interruptions are still frustrating.

I got stuck at the railroad tracks this morning on the way home from my work out. Interruption of the day #1. So I did what everyone else does- I pulled out my phone and started checking my emails. The first one I opened was a Christine Caine devotional and can you guess what the topic was? Interruptions! Here’s a little bit of what it said-

But let me tell you, some of my most memorable moments of God working in me and through me occurred in the “interruptions” of my day. In the midst of these divine interruptions, I realize more and more that God sees the bigger picture, not just my little world.

Realizing today’s devotional was no accident, I asked God to help me see the bigger picture as the day unfolds and interruptions pop up. (Because obviously they’re now going to now, right??)

When I got home I was going through my morning routine- make the coffee, make my shake, pack K’s lunch, get G’s bottle ready- and everything was rolling along as usual. I walked into G’s room because he was singing (you know he’d been up the whole time I was gone). I put the bottle in his mouth while I quickly changed his diaper. (Insert Mission Impossible theme song.) But today I noticed he was holding the bottle longer than usual, so I let him lay there and feed himself while I grabbed my cup to finish my shake.

Here comes interruption of the day #2.

Gideon got excited (for reasons I still don’t know) and began flapping his arms and legs. Naturally I grabbed his bottle but in the midst of the arm flapping, he knocked my drink out of my hand. So I went into ninja mode and keeping one hand on Gideon, I attempted to grab the cup.

Needless to say there was chocolate protein shake EVERYWHERE. I should have let the cup fall. All I did was make things worse because I bounced the cup a few extra times trying to catch it. The result was a mess that extended from his window to his door. THAT’S ALL THE WAY ACROSS HIS ROOM!!

And here’s the interesting part. There was only about 2 ounces left in my cup!! How did so little spread so far??? I took Gideon to Kevin, grabbed my Sol-U-Mel stain remover, and headed back to my mess.

As I got down on my knees (frustrated) I remembered my devotional this morning. I began to clean and with a deep sigh I said, “Okay Lord, I’m sure there’s a lesson here…I’m listening.” When I didn’t “hear” from Him, I started thinking to myself- It’s a good thing we have dark carpet because if this stains, at least no one will be able to see it!!

And then it hit me.

How often times do we have sin in our lives that no one can see? Maybe it’s envy or pride or lust. We think our sin is so small, so invisible that it cannot possibly affect us so much. But the truth is, it does. Galatians 5:9 says, “A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough.”

Like yeast spreads throughout, so does our sin that no one can see. We can try to hide it or we can try to clean it up ourselves… but left to our own means, the stain of sin is still there. And God still sees it.

So how do we clean up the stains? Thankfully my cleaner removed all the spots from my carpet. As for the stains in my life, Jesus took care of those more than two thousand years ago when he gave his life for me on the cross.

Isaiah 53:5 says, “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Ephesians 1:7 says, “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.” 

Christine Caine’s devotional was right on this morning. Such a frustrating interruption quickly turned into an intimate moment with the Lord because I was willing to embrace it and seek Him in the midst of it. God’s not concerned with my little schedule in my little world. He’s doing something far bigger than I could ever imagine.

In the midst of your own interruptions today, ask the Lord what He wants to show you. And chances are, He’ll meet with you in a big way.

Gideon got fitted for new ear molds yesterday and he did so good…at first. Dr. King (at Medical City Dallas) put the hearing aids on him and he listened for about 2-3 minutes with no tears.

And then we began to cycle through some of the stages of grief.

Gideon started out with depression..

And what started out as a sad/unsure face, quickly turned into what looked as though he was begging for us to take them out (bargaining)..

When we did not appease his request, his sadness turned to anger..

And while the anger lasted for a long time, eventually he came around to acceptance..

Okay, if you believe that last part then you’re in denial.

We never really reached acceptance. When I glanced away for a few seconds, Gideon had already taken the right hearing aid out and was working on the left. I’m not surprised because he has never worn his hearing aids for very long. We’ve tried every head-band, hat, bonnet that’s on the market and nothing has worked. Distraction tricks? Yup, tried those too. You name it, we’ve tried it.

To be honest, since he got sick in January, I haven’t even tried to make him wear them…mostly because it wears me out! Holding his hands down while he cries and having to put them back in every few seconds is exhausting and defeating.

But we’re starting over with small goals. Wearing them for a minimum of 30 minutes every day this week is my goal for Gideon.

Looking at this series of photos above gives you an idea of what these 30 minutes a day will be like. I have a feeling I will be cycling through my own stages of grief this week.

So as always, prayers are appreciated.