At 20 months old, Gideon cannot walk or crawl because of his genetic disorder. When I lay him on the floor, he either licks it or bangs his head against it. So unless we are at home, Gideon is either in his stroller or I’m holding him. More often times than not, he’s in my arms.

He is only 20 lbs, but he is pretty much dead weight. Not to mention, holding Gideon is like holding a 20 pound fish out of water. Sometimes he will be still long enough for me to hold him with ease, but after a few seconds he begins to squirm & needs to be re-positioned. The cradle position quickly becomes boring, so I’ll toss him up over my shoulder where he plays grab-the-hair game and hits himself with my hair. But eventually that gets old for him (and painful for me) and he wants to face-forward. He likes to flap his arms and kick his legs hoping to make contact with something. Usually that something is my face and so I take him back to the cradle position and we repeat this frustrating cycle all over again… until I put him back in his stroller or some sweet soul offers to hold him….bless their hearts.

So the other day, I was going through this routine while holding him in the shower (yes, I’m that crazy), when on the way down to the cradle position his mouth met my arm. Usually he blows raspberries, but this time Gideon bit into me as if I was a state fair turkey leg. When he finally let go, I re-positioned him so I could pop him in the mouth and tell him no.

Thankfully Kevin heard the commotion and rushed in just in time for the awkward hand off. As I stood there in shower, the frustration I felt quickly turned into tears. Why does holding my son always have to be a struggle? Through my sobs, I cried out to God, “What am I supposed to do with a child that fights me all the time?!”

You love him, just as I have always loved you.

In that moment, I realized how much I was just like Gideon in the arms of my Heavenly Father. How many times have I’ve struggled & fought against Him because I wanted to be free to do things my own way? How often do I still push away His guiding hand because I think I can handle it better than He can?

Gideon doesn’t know why I can’t just put him down whenever he wants. He doesn’t understand the danger of licking the floor or banging his head against it. Truthfully, he may never comprehend why I do the things I do and that’s a hard reality for me to accept. I really just want to hold him without it always being such a struggle.

It’s kind of funny because I’m pretty sure God feels the same way about me.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. .” John 15:5

“It’s not fair!”

This is how my almost-5-year-old responds to everything we tell her… or at least it seems to be that way these days. And let me tell you, it drives Kevin and I insane!!

Being a former teacher, I’m not sure there is a phrase that makes my blood boil more than the classic, it’s not fair whine. My response to my students was always some witty & extreme comeback that would invoke the equally frustrating eye roll. Praise God I’m a stay at home mom now and only hear this from a kid I can actually discipline! Unfortunately for Kevin, he teaches elementary and hears it all day….bless his heart. Y’all can pray for him.

So after another discussion with Laynie about fairness last night, we put her to bed and went to bed ourselves. Before we laid down, I received a text from a friend who was answering some questions about adaptive stroller & wheelchair options for Gideon. I was relaying the information to Kevin when all of a sudden, I just lost it.

Y’all, I don’t even like making decisions about the family budget (thanks Dave Ramsey for making me), much less medically important decisions for our little boy!  As I laid back into Kevin arms crying, I said the phrase I hate the most….It’s not fair! We both laughed through the tears. In that moment, I felt like a little kid, crying out to my Heavenly Father, “But this is REALLY not fair God!!” My idea of fair is making decisions about a big boy bed and tiny tot sports, not browsing websites for wheelchairs!

Needless to say, James 1:2-4 quickly came to mind.  “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Lord, can’t I just be immature the rest of my life???

Thankfully, my tantrum subsided and I was able to regroup. Truth is, it’s not fair, and I think that’s the point. You can’t truly appreciate the sunshine if it never storms. So why would we ever need God if this life was always wonderful and fair?

Another question is how do we reconcile this inner child that hungers for everything to actually be fair? I don’t really know the answer to this, but I do know some things that work for me.

• Pray with someone who is in a storm. Turning the focus off ourselves, and seeing how we can meet a need for someone else is a great place to start.
• Count your blessings. Sounds cheesy, but if you’re honest with yourself, you probably have way more to be thankful for than you realize.
• Talk with a friend or counselor who won’t let you wallow in self pity. Nothing is worse than a person who lets your down-spiral to an even deeper pit of despair.
• Praise God. Truly, acknowledging that he is God and we are not, will make all the difference in how you handle your “It’s not fair” moments.

I like Cherokee Legend about the two wolves battling within. One is evil and one is good. And the one you feed is the one that wins.

This may be a stretch on the legend, but go with me. If I constantly dwell (feed) on the idea that my life is unfair, then I’ll end up bitter, cynical and lonely (because who likes to be around bitterness?). But if I choose to focus on the promised good that will come from my unfortunate circumstances (Romans 8:28), then I’ll live a much more fulling, joyful and purposeful life.  And who wouldn’t want that???

I don’t know your circumstances, but I’d be willing to bet they are unfair. And the only good news I have for you is that you get to make the choice in how you will respond to those circumstances.

Choose wisely.

I have always loved the original quote by Theodore Roosevelt, but after a recent Bible study session (with some amazing ladies!), I realized something: comparison steals more than just joy.

I was sitting with a group of girls that are very dear to my heart. We were sharing our stories and struggles, when a friend began her story with, “Well, this seems silly but…..” She then proceeded to share a very real struggle in her life. And thankfully a wise friend beat me to the punch when she pointed out that our friend’s struggle was not at all silly. She reassured her that what she was facing was real, important and worthy to share. That’s when it hit me, comparison is the thief of more than just joy….

It robs us of intimate fellowship and everything that comes along with it.

Think about it. How many times have we held back telling others what we are going through because we were worried that what we have to share may not seem like a big deal when compared to another’s struggle? When that happens we miss out on an opportunity to encourage and to be encouraged. We miss out on the chance to extend support and receive grace. We miss out on a moment to grow and to truly empathize* with another. All because we have predetermined in our minds that our struggles don’t compare with that of another.

Comparison steals any hope we have to love, connect and to build deep relationships.

I ran into this problem with a very close friend recently. When I found out some BIG things were going on in her life, she told me, “Well I just didn’t want to worry you, you’ve got your hands full….I mean it’s really not that big of a deal.” Sometimes I fear people think we hold the trump card because of our son’s diagnosis. Let me assure you, we do not! In fact, if you never read anything I write ever again, please know this…

Our struggles do not eclipse yours!!!

In a season of pain and suffering, we can isolate ourselves if we are not careful.  Don’t ever let anyone tell you that your struggles are not that bad. If they affect you physically, emotionally, or spiritually, then your struggles matter and they are worthy to be shared. No one has the right to hold a trump card over you. And if they do, then they have other issues they need to address within themselves.

We have to let go of comparing our circumstances. Pain, brokenness, sorrow…they all feel the same no matter what it is we are facing. So instead of comparing it, why don’t we lay it out for what it is and praise God for the chance to truly empathize with another.

If we can get past sympathy and learn empathy, then we can connect and have fellowship… and everything good that comes with it.

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*Empathy: If you don’t know the difference between empathy and sympathy, please watch this short video. Even if you do know, it’s worth your 3 minutes to watch.