So the Jolicoeurs are taking a road trip. It’s our first as a family of four and as we prepared to leave this morning, I was looking at the back of our suburban and thinking to myself, “What an overabundance of crap!”

Seriously though, how much of this stuff do we actually need??? I realize its been a while since I’ve had to pack for an infant, but this is kind of ridiculous. We have 2 adult size suitcases (only one of which is for adults), 3 duffle bags, 2 strollers, 2 back packs, 2 gallon jugs of water, a pack-n-play, a breast pump, a bouncer, a bumbo, a case of diapers, a diaper bag, and a sack of snacks. Did I mention we are a family of only 4??? Yet somehow I managed to pack for four families!!

I think the madness started when my husband got the idea that we should borrow his parents suburban instead of taking my cramped jeep compass. Once that decision was made I think I subconsciously figured, “Well we got more room…might as well take more stuff!!” But in the grand scheme of things, how much of this overabundance is necessity? And how much is just wasted excess?

I have an overabundance of stuff in my life…if you can’t tell from the back of our suburban, then just come visit our house and look in our closets! So much stuff is packed into our 1667 square foot house.. stuff I don’t even see most days. Am I the only one who groans at the thought of moving/traveling simply because there is SO much to box up/pack?

I knew a missionary one time who literally could pack up and move in a blink of eye because she owned so little in regards to “stuff.” She truly had just the necessities. Looking at her life, you would not think she had an overabundance of anything. But you know what? She did have an overabundance! Her excess was found in God’s love and His forgiveness! She had an overabundance of His mercy and grace! And because she freely accepted those, she also had an overabundance of faith.

You know the best part of that kind of overabundance? It doesn’t cost anything!! It’s also clutter-free and easy to carry with you!! Do you remember that old saying, “You can’t take it with you when you go!” Well, that kind of abundance is what we do get to take with us when we go! Thank goodness we can’t take material things with us when we die. Can you imagine? Heaven would be the most extreme episode of Hoarders!!

Now please don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying its wrong to own a lot of stuff…as long as your stuff doesn’t own you. Here’s what I mean by that- If you lost everything you owned, could you still choose to be happy? Or would the destruction of your possessions destroy you? And lets be honest, if we have more than one change of clothes, a bed to sleep in and food in our stomaches, then we ALL have an overabundance…. especially when compared to the rest of the world.

At the end of the day, I want the suburban of my life to be packed more of Him and less of the things of this world. It has been my experience that’s the only kind of overabundance that will truly satisfy.

Stay tuned as our first family road trip unfolds…

Last night I did something that I decided (early on) that I would never do often… I visited my reality. (Tissue alert.)

I am blessed to be a part of a family support group on Facebook that is strictly for families with children who have PBD (peroxisomal biogenesis disorder). These are some of the most brave and amazing people you will ever meet.  They are also the group of people that you would not trade places with even if they paid you billions of dollars. You see, these people are part of an elite group that have the unfortunate reality of watching their children slowly digress until their inevitable death.

This group has been so helpful with everything we’ve experienced thus far with Gideon. They’ve answered questions about his hearing aids and many people have messaged me personally to offer support. However, I have a confession to make.. When I see a post come up where a parent is calling on the angel parents (parents who have laid their children to rest), I steer clear. I refuse to read them. It’s TOO much for me right now.

But on this rare occasion, I had been feeling sorry for myself because my son hasn’t slept since he was born, so I decided to read the post….and the comments that followed. My gut is still in knots and the tears are still fresh on my face…and shirt…and table. This one brave mother posted that her son has begun to experience discomfort and he’s on oxygen for 24 hours because if not, his fingers turn blue; he’s also not able to cough because he’s losing muscle tone….Basically she was calling on the angel moms to ask how she should be preparing for the end… The comments that followed were heart crushing stories and words of love and support. Are you crying with me for this mom?? Please pray for her. She reached out to the support group because her dreaded reality is now; and it’s the reality that we “newbie parents” (newly diagnosed) fear the most.

I know my posts are usually more positive, but right now I need the world to know this is still hard for us. With tears in our eyes, my husband and I were discussing which is worse… watching our son die a slow death or trying to explain the situation to Laynie when that time comes? Now I know what you’re all thinking, You’re not there yet! Don’t borrow sorrow from tomorrow! And praise God we’re not living that hell just yet. So why would I even go there? I still feel a need to visit that reality from time to time for two reasons. Reason #1: It keeps me out of denial; Reason #2: It keeps everything in proper perspective.

I feel as though we’ve been handling our situation very well. I speak for me and my husband when I say we truly feel the peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7) and God’s grace has been sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9). But I need to confess it’s easy to handle a situation like this when my son is progressing. He doesn’t have a feeding tube, he’s not blind and (completely) deaf, he’s not on oxygen, he’s not having seizures, and doesn’t require suction. But those are just some of the realities for PBD kids. And unfortunately, there will come a day when my son’s progression plateaus. And then he will digress…he may have a few or all of the problems I just listed… And then it will be our turn to call on these brave parents who’ve gone before us.

You see, I realized last night that one day this group will encourage us as we watch our son slowly die. And after Gideon’s gone to be with Jesus, we will walk beside other families as they navigate this unfair, unthinkable, and ugly road.

Please forgive me. I know this is probably the most depressing blog post you’ve ever read. And if I’ve made you cry I apologize. I couldn’t help myself…I needed to vent. And I have to confess, my recent reality check has left me with a whole new perspective on my lack of sleep. As I sobbed and rocked my baby boy to sleep last night, I couldn’t help but think of all those angel moms who would give their right arm for one  more chance to be sleep deprived, rocking their angel.

As I sat down at my computer to write, the Bible Gateway website was up and go figure, the verse of the day was Romans 5:3-4

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

To put it plainly, I feel like the Lord was reminding me that our hope is in Christ alone. (I honestly don’t know how else we would survive this without Jesus!) And I can’t help but believe that someone needs to know about that hope. I like to think that my mighty warrior’s story is bringing people back to God. Has his story touched your heart? I hope so. If it has would you share it with someone? Nothing makes the reality of this genetic disorder any easier, but knowing that his life has offered someone hope, brings joy to my heart…to Kevin’s heart…and someday, hopefully to Laynie’s heart.

Visiting my reality has given me a proper perspective. Casting Crowns, Already There song says it best-

When I’m lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You’re already there
You’re already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You’re already there
You’re already there

And because He’s already there, I don’t have to live in fear. He’s waiting for my little man, just like He’s waiting for me.

The reality is that you and I woke up this morning by the grace of God. He’s given you and me this precious gift of a new day. I don’t know about you, but I intend to make the most of every opportunity.

I hope you’ll do the same.

This weekend I had the opportunity to attend the Women of Faith Conference in Dallas. I was so looking forward to this life changing event that all my girl friends have talked about in years past. The speakers and worship teams were phenomenal! There were times when we laughed and there were times when we sobbed. It was truly an inspiring time for every person under that roof.

This years conference was called “Believe God Can Do Anything.” I think the title was fitting given the background of every woman involved. One speaker was abandoned at birth with no name. She was sexually abused from the age of 3 well into her teenage years. Another speaker was discarded by her father and had an abortion. Another overcame the most impoverished situation growing up. The list of desperate circumstances goes on, but the point is the same for all… God CAN Do Anything! He certainly has done the impossible with these women- especially regarding the past from which they came.

Every single person on that stage probably never imagined that God could use them after all they had been through and yet there they were- sharing the good news and goodness of our God. Nothing proclaims “God is good” like a person set free from a painful past. What has God set you free from? Do you know you are not disqualified because of your past?
I’ve always felt like my long list of sins and brokenness meant my “resume” for being a Christian was invalid. But that’s just another lie the enemy wants us to believe.

I was greatly encouraged by one of the speakers who spoke about the miracle that Jesus performed when he fed five thousand with only five loaves of bread and two fish (John 6). You hear this story a lot when you’ve grown up in church. But she brought something new to my attention that I had never considered.

She preached about how the miracle of the food being multiplied didn’t occur until the bread was broken. Think about how that applies to us. How much more fruit do we bear when we’ve been broken? Now that’s not to say that God can’t use us when we aren’t broken… But how many times have people been touched by the broken past that you or someone else has overcome? Your faith in God carries much influence when your circumstances have been dark & desperate and yet you still cling to Him and cry “How Great is Our God?!”

I have to admit that I was extremely exhausted this weekend. Gideon is still waking up 3-4 times at night. And for some reason my daughter has been screaming for us around 2:30 am every morning. So needless to say when this weekend got here, I wasn’t looking forward to the conference on 4 hours of interrupted sleep. In fact I’m sad to say we left the conference early because I was just so worn out. But even though I left exhausted, I left encouraged.

Christine Cane is the speaker who spoke about Jesus feeding 5,000. At the end of her sermon she mentioned how Jesus asked the disciples to pick up what was left over and carry it with them. I’ve never thought about why He would have the disciples take the broken pieces with them other than to see there was an abundance. Christine stated, “I think Jesus had them carry the broken pieces with them as a reminder of the miracle God had done for them. After all, in the next few verses, the disciples were headed into a storm, and they would need that reminder.”

I’m not sure where you’re at right now. Maybe you’re in a storm or just coming out of one. Or perhaps your storm is just on the horizon. The broken pieces of our past we carry with us; not to weigh us down with guilt or sadness, but as a reminder of what God has done for us. When you look back at your broken pieces you should remember that He has been faithful and He will continue to be faithful, even through your worst storm.

Unfortunately the worst of my storm is yet to come. My sons diagnosis is death. When? No one really knows. But I do know this. God has faithfully carried me through every other storm of my life (I have a lot of broken pieces to prove it). So why would I doubt Him to do the same now? His track record is pretty prefect.

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side.
-Chris Tomlin, Whom Shall I Fear
(One of the many great songs we sang at WOF).

Thanks to everyone involved with Women Of Faith. Thanks for allowing God to use your broken pieces to multiply the masses. If you’ve never been, I highly recommend it. Tickets for 2014 are already on sale! God bless!