I just want you to notice! 

This was how my 30-year-old fit began a few weeks ago. Kevin was still teaching summer school and I was desperately looking forward to him being home. On this particular day, I had decided to clean…and I mean really clean the house. And if I’m being completely honest, this was the first time since we lost our hospice house cleaner that I actually cleaned. I’m not going to remind you of how long ago Miss Lucy left.

Needless to say, I was excited for Kevin to come home and see just how hard I had worked. On a therapy day mind you. He had been home for about 30 minutes when my wheels fell off.

How could he be here this long and NOT notice?!?

It was in the midst of my tantrum (when I found myself using the inaccurate phrase “you never”) that I realized I was the one at fault here. I had placed expectations on Kevin and ultimately fell into the trap of working for him, instead of for the Lord.

Colossians 3:23-24 says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

How often do we forget that truth?

Since I’ve become a stay at home mom, I’ve found myself missing the affirmations of the job I left. Teaching is a great calling- one with multiple and tangible rewards. And for the past few years, I’ve struggled with the fact that no one notices just how hard I’m still working.

Maybe you’ve felt that way too?

But the Truth is, God notices.

He was there yesterday when you carted all the kids across town and back for their activities. He was there with you today when you did that 3rd load of laundry even though you didn’t get much sleep the night before. And He’ll be there with you tomorrow when you’re weak and weary from the meals you’ve prepared, the fights you’ve mediated, and the errands you’ve run.

Hear me say this friend…God notices all you do!

My husband is the best man on this planet. But he’s not my God. And as hard as it is, we have to remember that everything we do is for the glory of Jesus. When we do for others (no matter how big or small), we are serving Christ!! If we are working for anyone else, we will be disappointed and eventually we will become bitter.

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:17

Be encouraged, He notices you and all you do.

One year ago today, were informed that our son was affected by Peroxisomal Biogenesis Disorder (PBD).

I remember it like it was yesterday. Standing in our geneticists office, the doctor asked if her assistant could take Laynie out of the room. Kevin later told me he thought it was just because she was getting into everything; but not me… I knew. I knew the moment she asked Laynie to leave that she was about to deliver the most devastating news we would ever hear..

“Your son has PBD, and if he makes it  through his first year of life, he’ll have a 77% chance of making it to school age.”  We quickly realized that someday we would bury our son.

If you’re a parent, you can imagine that moment. If you’re a parent of a terminally ill child, you can truly empathize with us in that moment. As we stood there, dazed and confused, I recalled the words of a dear friend- “Our children do not belong to us.. They’re on loan from God.”

As I spoke those words to Kevin, they brought a sense of comfort and peace to us that day. And they still do, one year later.

Kevin and I have a choice whether or not we allow  Gideon’s diagnosis to hinder us or to grow us. Will we let bitterness tie a chain to our future? Or will we choose to walk in freedom in the present? We can choose (and do choose) happiness despite our circumstances; but it’s definitely a daily choice…and some days are harder than others.

I don’t know much, I’m only a year into this diagnosis, but I do know this- unresolved anger leads to bitterness; and bitterness poisons the heart.

One year later, I can honestly tell you that our situation still sucks. NO ONE should have to go through this. BUT the lives that have been affected by our sweet baby boy…. I wish I could tell you all the stories.

What I can tell you is that God can bring good from ANY situation… from ANY circumstance….from ANY tragedy…from ANY hurt.

There’s nothing that God cannot carry us through and redeem…

If we let Him.

I saw this headstone years ago before I had children. It had a pretty big impact on me since my sister was (and still is) confined to a wheelchair. But seeing it again this morning… it had a more profound effect on me.

Seeing it through mommy-eyes this time, I found myself dwelling on “that day.” I thought about the sadness we would feel when our little boy is called Home, but I also couldn’t help but think about the freedom that he would experience.  I imagine it takes place just like that photo…children instantly free from that which confines them..

I wrote the poem below as an outward expression of my inner most feelings after looking at this photo throughout much of today. I simply call it Free.

As heartbreaking & tragic as it will be,
One day our son too will truly be free. 

That day will be dark & dreary for us,
But Gideon’s eyes will open & he’ll see Jesus. 

His ears will clearly hear that great Heavenly sound.
As the shackles of his disease fall to the ground. 

His body will be strong and he will run & play.
I can only imagine that he’ll have so much to say. 

He won’t be sad about leaving this world behind. 
Who would trade Heaven to be deaf, mute and blind?

On that day our sorrow will truly be Heaven’s joy;
As they all welcome a warrior- our precious, sweet boy.

But today’s not that day- we rejoice that he’s still here. 
And until that day comes, we don’t have to live in fear. 

There’s a peace we can have knowing that tragedies will come. 
His name is Jesus. And He is God’s resurrected Son. 

He died once for all; to forgive us of our sins. 
And knowing Him personally is where our freedom begins. 

So on that day, when we bury our son,
We can rest in Him, because the battle is won. 

The disease will be defeated and our son will be free. 
And Christ will carry us forward until we meet in eternity. 

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Here’s the link if you’d like to know more about little Matthew- whose physical body rests beneath that statue. God has truly done (and continues to do) beautiful things with his precious, short life.

No matter what you’re facing, he can do beautiful things with your circumstances as well.