Gideon has an ABR scheduled this morning at 9 am. Auditory Brainstem Response is a fancy name for a hearing test and he has to be sedated for it…which means he has to fast- both food and rest.  🙁

He had an ABR back in September and it showed that he had moderate to severe hearing loss in both ears. Because Gideon has PBD chances are his hearing will continue to get worse.

I’m not really worried about it…just frustrated. Days like these I can’t help but look into the future. I don’t visit the future much because it makes me sad. Days like these remind me that things will only get harder as time goes on.

It’s so easy to fall into a pit of despair on days like these- when I feel out of control; when I feel alone; when I feel beat down by the road I’m on. I’m sure you can relate.

I listen to KLove and/or Air1 in the mornings on my phone because I need to be filled with as much of Jesus as I can. The song that was playing just now was by Unspoken. Fitting song for how I’m feeling this morning. Maybe you need to hear it too. It’s called Lift My Life Up.

You brought me this far
So why would I question You now
You have provided
So why would I start to doubt
I’ve never been stranded, abandoned
Or left here to fight alone
So I’m giving You control

Chorus
I lift my life, lift my life up
I give it all in surrender
I lift my heart, lift my heart up
You can have it forever
All my dreams, all my plans
Lord,†I leave it in Your hands
I lift my life, lift my life up
Have Your way in me
Have Your way in me

If peace is a river let it sweep over me
If I’m under fire I know it’s refining me
When I hear You calling out I follow now
Wherever the road may go
I know You’re leading me home

Take my life let it be
All for You
Take my life let it be
All for You

Lord, it’s so hard to do..but I’m surrendering my little man to You (again) this morning…and every morning. Help me to relinquish control as I trust in You. I pray for those reading this morning- that You would help them to do the same. You know what they’re facing. You’re not surprised by any of our circumstances or choices. Thank You for loving & forgiving us… even though we sometimes struggle to trust and love You. Amen.

I love my kiddos. I want them to grow up to be compassionate, forgiving and wise adults. So like every parent, I’m always looking for opportunities to teach life lessons.

But as we all know, there are some lessons you just can’t plan for. Some are just divinely given…and sometimes they come from our kids.

Laynie woke up early this morning. I was feeding Gideon when she came into his room.

She was excited about hunting Easter eggs at Mimi’s house later in the day. That’s when it hit me- I had not put together our own Easter egg hunt. I was so unprepared and worried that Laynie would be disappointed.

Thankfully Laynie didn’t ask about our hunt; so after I finished feeding Gideon, I woke Kevin up and had him distract Laynie while I scrambled to throw something together. I had about 15 eggs, some change and half a bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs. So I quickly filled each egg with coins or candy and slipped out the door to hide the eggs.

When I came back in, I grabbed our Bible. Kevin and I read (more like paraphrased) through Luke 24; and then we talked with Laynie about why we celebrate Easter and who really hides the eggs.

Needless to say, everything turned out great even though I was unprepared. When Laynie came back in to open her eggs, she was so excited about the coins that she asked me to get her Save/Spend/Give jars down so she could put away her money. So of course, I thought I’d use this opportunity to teach her a mini lesson about money.

But the real lesson was about to be taught by her. Half way through opening her eggs, she opened an empty one. Apparently in the midst of rushing to stuff the eggs, I had forgotten to fill one of them. But instead of disappointment about the egg being empty, Laynie’s face was filled with excitement.

“This one represents the empty tomb!! This one means that Jesus is alive and in Heaven! We talked about this last night at church!!”

MY. HEART. MELTED!!  (Thank you Lakepointe-FW Children’s Ministry!!)

At that moment I realized my mini lesson about money was so insignificant when compared to what God wanted to teach my little girl… and me!

This was such a cool opportunity to keep the true meaning of Easter going. I had heard of resurrection eggs before but I’m a poor planner and forgot all about them this year.

I called my mom before we drove to her house and made sure she left one egg empty as well. Laynie was just as excited to find another resurrection egg. And she was just as excited to tell everyone why it was empty.

Whether you perfectly planned it or not, I hope your Easter was all about Him.

So I downloaded this new app called Timehop, and I must admit that I am a bit obsessed with it! Basically the app links to your social media accounts and it shows what you posted a year (or two years) ago on that very day.

So since Gideon turned 15 months old yesterday, I eagerly opened my Timehop app to see what I said a year ago when he turned 3 months old. Here’s what I posted-

I cringed when I read this, and honestly I was totally embarrassed. I remember vividly this feeling of frustration and hopelessness- and to make it worse, I felt like no one understood.  As I shared this post with my husband yesterday he said, “Wow, what a difference a year makes.”

A year ago I felt so lost. I was beyond exhausted & depressed. We still had no answers as to what was wrong with our son. Even though I was trying to stay positive, deep down I was spiraling out of control. I felt as though that season of life would never end.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you’re in a season right now that has lasted for years. While some seasons last longer than others, I do believe that every season was intended to end.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 says, “There is a time to cry and a time to laugh. There is a time to be sad and a time to dance with joy.” I remember reading that a year ago and asking God, “When do I get to laugh again??? Will I ever dance with joy again?!?!

One year later our season of joy and laughter has returned. Even with the knowledge of Gideon’s diagnosis, we smile because we know God is faithful. And today I know something in my heart that a year ago I only knew in my head- “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” With Christ, I can make it through the sleepless nights. With Christ, I can face the unknowns. With Christ, I can be a good mom…even in the most exhausting seasons of life.

I really like this Timehop app. Like a journal, it’s allowed me to look back and see how far God has brought us this past year with Gideon.

If you seem to be stuck in a season of life, I want to encourage you to keep pressing on. Seek God through prayer and stay in His Word. And never forget that He is faithful even when we are faithless.

What a difference a year makes.

Even Laynie’s joy has returned.