I like to plan ahead so my day goes smoothly. At night, I get the lunches, diaper bag and coffee pot ready. I lay out my kids clothes the night before too. In fact, this morning, I laid out the kids jammies and got the tub area ready before we even left the house. I knew we’d be gone until late, so this was a surefire way to have the kids quickly bathed and in bed immediately upon our return.

Call me OCD or call me crazy, but I’m all about making the transitions in my life easy. However, recent events made me realize that some transitions will never be easy no matter how much planning we do.

Next Tuesday, Kevin and I will be sharing our testimony again at ReEngage. While I’m excited to share our story of redemption, I’m a little uneasy…mostly because I haven’t yet re-written our ending. You see, last time we shared our testimony it ended with us coming out of a storm and celebrating the birth of a new child. Unfortunately for us, there’s a new storm on the horizon. We’ve learned so much in this past year, that I’m having trouble putting it briefly for our audience.

What I want to convey to our ReEngage couples is that you can’t plan around the storms of life… you can only prepare to weather them. While everyone’s journey is different, the truth is that there’s always a storm coming. I’m not sure what storm you’re facing, but for us, it involves the early death of our son.

So if we can’t plan around it, how do we prepare for it?

Kevin and I are preparing the only way we know how- We are praying together, reading the Bible, and being intentional & intimate in our communication & relations. We’re placing our attention on Him. Every time we center our focus on God instead of our circumstances, we are preparing for the harsh winds of life.

All that said, I’m obviously still not looking forward for what’s to come. In fact, I’m a big “why” baby. I’ve often wondered why God would allow my son to be born with this illness. I also wonder why He would send us back into other season of darkness. It’s interesting because just today I read a devotional by Christine Caine and it addressed that very issue. This is what it said-
“God’s heart beats for every lost person every single second of every single day. That’s what he wants us to remember. We, too, were once lost, but now we are found. And because we’ve been found, he has called us to be part of his search-and-rescue team.

Are you willing to take the light God brought to you to illuminate your own rescue, to others? Carrying the light is the only reason God would send you back into the dark.”

Does that last line pierce your heart like it does mine?

I was naive to think that Kevin and I had been through the worst before our marriage. The worst is yet to come. For those who’ve gone before us, I would not dare disrespect you by saying that I know what it’s like to lose a child. I don’t. In fact, there’s a lot of pain and suffering in this world that I know nothing about.

But at the end of the day, I do know this…

There are transitions in life that will never be easy. In the blink of an eye, everything we know can change. The storms of life are coming. You can’t plan around them, so how are you preparing for them?

God doesn’t call us to live in fear of what’s to come.

He just calls us to come.

Matthew 11:28 
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” 

Have you ever sat down at night and thought about how your day could have gone differently? For me, this is a regular occurrence, but this evening it was worse than usual. My mind was in over-drive, playing out hundreds of different avenues I could have chosen, but didn’t. And because I made a hasty, selfish decision, I brought home a truck load of remorse. My decision provided me convenience, but unfortunately for my son, it was costly to his health.

Today was one of those days I really, really wish I could do over.

Some kids with peroxisomal disorders choke on liquids and food because they have low tone in their neck and shoulders. Therefore my husband and I have been told that we need to get a swallow study done for Gideon. And since he’s had trouble swallowing puréed foods for the past two weeks, we decided to do the swallow study.

So we talked to our pediatrician and she ordered the test. And since Gideon was going to have to swallow barium for this study, our pediatrician advised that we also do an upper & lower gastro-intestinal (GI) exam as well. So in my mind, these two tests together would allow them to watch (using radiology) the food travel from his mouth all the way to his rectum. And because I only received one call for one appointment, I assumed both tests would happen together.

Apparently I assumed wrong.

We got to Children’s Hospital and after talking to our sweet nurse, we soon learned that both tests could not be done in one appointment given Gideon’s age. Long story short, someone from the swallow study department dropped the ball and never called me to schedule the separate swallow test…hence my confusion and thoughts that both tests would be done together.

Our appointment was at 8:45 AM and it was about 9 AM when we learned that there was going to be two separate tests. So after much frustration & confusion on our part (and Gideon’s….keep in mind he’s been fasting since 4:45 AM and he’s STARVING!!), my husband decides we are leaving and not doing the test. He says we can always come back, but the main reason we are here is for the swallow study, not the GI.

Here’s where I would like my do over.

My first instinct was to agree with my husband…after all, the only thing we are concerned with is my son’s ability to swallow. Plus Gideon has never shown any signs of GI problems. While Gideon was screaming, I debated back and forth with both my husband and the nurse. The nurse said that our doctor would want both tests done, so I figured if we were going to have to do the GI at some point anyways, we might as well do it now since we were there.

Now this may not sound like such bad reasoning; however, the issue I’m struggling with is that I chose convenience over wisdom. All I really heard from the nurse was “two separate tests” which meant, if we left, we would have to come back two more times. And I think the worst part of it all was that I never stopped to pray about my decision. Instead, I just pushed my point over my husband’s logical reasoning just so I didn’t have to make two more trips. Had I listened to my husband, we would have left and only come back for swallow study because Gideon did not need the GI test.

Has anything like this ever happened to you? Have you ever made a decision based on convenience rather than wisdom? What has it cost you? What has it cost someone close to you?

Here’s what it cost Gideon.

Imagine you’re Gideon. To do so, you’ll need to close your eyes and your ears. Now imagine you’re hungry and naked and a woman who you don’t know has tied you to a board with your arms by your ears (limiting your hearing even more). Then she proceeds to shove a tube down your nose and throat to your stomach- only to then fill it with the chemical element, barium.

Now let me just clarify something. Procedures like these are necessary and I’m so glad we have the technology & doctors to do them. That being said, this test was NOT necessary for my son. He has never had any GI problems. The GI test was added by our pediatrician only because she also thought the tests were going to be done together. Had I listened to my husband today we would left and only come back for the swallow study; and Gideon would not have to be exposed to the barium & radiation twice.

My heart breaks for my sweet Gideon. I wish I could go back and do it all over. I would have listened to the wisdom of my husband. I also would have taken time to pray. I know we all make mistakes from time to time, but when those mistakes affect our kids…. ugh… it’s so hard to handle.

I cannot un-do what has been done. So I am taking today for what it is…a lesson. It was a lesson in prayer, a lesson in listening, and lesson in waiting. Funny thing is that just yesterday, I heard a profound sermon on waiting. Unfortunately, it didn’t sink in until just now…

I’m looking forward to a new day. I guess in some way, tomorrow is my do-over. I have another chance to apply what I’ve learned- it’s a fresh start. Tomorrow I’m going to seek wisdom over convenience. Tomorrow I’m going to listen more than I speak. Tomorrow, when things seem out of control, I’m going to pray & wait for the Lord.

Such actions do not lead to a burden of remorse… but rather a bounty of joy.

I don’t know about you, but watching the news depresses me. In fact, as soon as the weather report is done, I have to turn it off. Most of what they report has to do with someone’s selfishness, greed, or evil. I’m often left thinking, “What is our world coming too?” It bugs me that news always ends with a 2 minute “feel good” story. I wish they would start and finish the news with the feel good stories….in fact, I wish they would show nothing but those kinds of stories. After all, it’s those stories that restore our faith in humanity!

I often wonder what might happen to our world if we were constantly shown the GOOD that’s being done in our society rather than the bad. I personally believe it would motivate more hearts to pursue acts of kindness. Instead of believing our world is mostly bad, perhaps we would believe the contrary and in doing so, it would spur a chain reaction of love.

My husband and I have seen a continuous out pour of love since our son was diagnosed with PBD. I wish I could continuously broadcast it across the news stations. Not because I want more people to do for us, but because I truly believe if more people saw these random acts of kindness on their TVs then they would be motivated to DO something for someone else!

I think people need to SEE the good that’s happening around them and it’s hard too see that when we live in a world that constantly flashes the bad across our television screens.

Unfortunately I have no control of the news. But if I did, it would include the weather of course and then stories like these…

“A local DFW resident, Kim Bailey, heard about a friend whose son, Gideon, has a terminal genetic disorder. Moved with compassion for a friend she hasn’t seen in quite sometime, Kim contacted a charity she heard about called Tiny Superheroes. Their mission? To empower Extraordinary kids who exemplify strength and determination by overcoming illness and disability. Kim sponsored a cape for Baby Gideon and he received it just in time for Christmas!”

If you’d like to know more about this charity or how you can sponsor a cape for a child, visit their website at http://www.tinysuperheroes.com

Here’s another story I’d show on the news…

“A few months ago we aired a story about a local teacher, Christy Elms, who organized a fundraiser and united a community to raise money for a fellow teacher’s son. Students brought money in order to see a few teachers kiss a pig. Proceeds went to help their PE teacher’s son, Gideon, who was born with a rare genetic disorder. A few days before Christmas, she surprised the family again when she had a 4 foot “Fezzy” Bear shipped to their home for Gideon and his sister to enjoy! 20% of Fezzy’s cost goes to the Shriner’s Hospitals for Children to help transform the lives of children fighting illness and disability. Gideon and Laynie are  in love with their “Fezzy” bear!!”

To give the gift of Fezzy and help out Shriner’s Children’s Hospital,  Click Here.

Here’s another story…

“Donna Wagner and Alecia Self work hard every day to provide their visually impaired students and families with the resources they need. But a few days before Christmas, they kicked it into over drive and made sure that one of their students, Gideon, received the best Christmas gift ever! He received his official Little Room the Friday before Christmas and it was decked out with all things special and significant to his needs. Gideon has a rare genetic disorder that impairs his vision and hearing.  On top of this, these two special ladies were able to take Gideon’s home made little room and provide it to another family whose child needed it. Gideon loves those ladies and his new Little Room!”

And here’s another….

“A local boy scout troop from Garland, Troop 100, showed some special love this Christmas to a family whose son has a rare genetic disorder. Scouts raised enough money to make sure the Jolicoeur family were able to provide gifts for their kids. On top of that, the Boy Scouts also got two gifts for Laynie and Gideon and a gift card for mom and dad as well. Needless to say, their love and compassion made a huge difference for the Jolicoeur’s this Christmas!”

Had enough of my “news stories?” Of course you haven’t!!…Not with heart warming stories like these!!

Okay, so I realize that all may have sounded a bit cheesy, and to be honest, I could write a lot more about all the good we’ve experienced this Christmas season. But the point that I really want to make is that people every where did amazing things for one another this Christmas. (I’m sure we all saw stories like the West Jet Christmas surprise!) Why can’t the news show those kinds of stories all year long? Why can’t we stop and celebrate all the good that’s going on in the world rather than despair over all the bad?

I honestly believe if we SEE more good being done, it will spur us on to “BE the good” to those around us. People are not only in need during Christmas. Chances are you know someone who is struggling financially, emotionally, spiritually….and chances are you can BE the good that comes their way this year.

My friend Kim said her husband was so touched by my tearful phone call thanking them for Gideon’s cape, that they have decided to sponsor a child through Tiny Superheroes once a month. That means 12 kids in 2014 will be empowered to face their disability or illness with a handmade, personalized cape. What a difference Kim and her husband are going to make. I only wish the news would be there to show every kid each month receive his or her cape. If they were, how many more people would be moved to action by seeing that on their television screen? How many more people would BE the good because they SEE the good?

Thanks to all who have blessed our family this year. I wish I had time to write about every instance, every card, every gift or time given to us. Please know that you’ve inspired Kevin and I to be the good for someone else. We want to love others, the way others have loved us.

God bless!!