“It’s not fair!”

This is how my almost-5-year-old responds to everything we tell her… or at least it seems to be that way these days. And let me tell you, it drives Kevin and I insane!!

Being a former teacher, I’m not sure there is a phrase that makes my blood boil more than the classic, it’s not fair whine. My response to my students was always some witty & extreme comeback that would invoke the equally frustrating eye roll. Praise God I’m a stay at home mom now and only hear this from a kid I can actually discipline! Unfortunately for Kevin, he teaches elementary and hears it all day….bless his heart. Y’all can pray for him.

So after another discussion with Laynie about fairness last night, we put her to bed and went to bed ourselves. Before we laid down, I received a text from a friend who was answering some questions about adaptive stroller & wheelchair options for Gideon. I was relaying the information to Kevin when all of a sudden, I just lost it.

Y’all, I don’t even like making decisions about the family budget (thanks Dave Ramsey for making me), much less medically important decisions for our little boy!  As I laid back into Kevin arms crying, I said the phrase I hate the most….It’s not fair! We both laughed through the tears. In that moment, I felt like a little kid, crying out to my Heavenly Father, “But this is REALLY not fair God!!” My idea of fair is making decisions about a big boy bed and tiny tot sports, not browsing websites for wheelchairs!

Needless to say, James 1:2-4 quickly came to mind.  “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Lord, can’t I just be immature the rest of my life???

Thankfully, my tantrum subsided and I was able to regroup. Truth is, it’s not fair, and I think that’s the point. You can’t truly appreciate the sunshine if it never storms. So why would we ever need God if this life was always wonderful and fair?

Another question is how do we reconcile this inner child that hungers for everything to actually be fair? I don’t really know the answer to this, but I do know some things that work for me.

• Pray with someone who is in a storm. Turning the focus off ourselves, and seeing how we can meet a need for someone else is a great place to start.
• Count your blessings. Sounds cheesy, but if you’re honest with yourself, you probably have way more to be thankful for than you realize.
• Talk with a friend or counselor who won’t let you wallow in self pity. Nothing is worse than a person who lets your down-spiral to an even deeper pit of despair.
• Praise God. Truly, acknowledging that he is God and we are not, will make all the difference in how you handle your “It’s not fair” moments.

I like Cherokee Legend about the two wolves battling within. One is evil and one is good. And the one you feed is the one that wins.

This may be a stretch on the legend, but go with me. If I constantly dwell (feed) on the idea that my life is unfair, then I’ll end up bitter, cynical and lonely (because who likes to be around bitterness?). But if I choose to focus on the promised good that will come from my unfortunate circumstances (Romans 8:28), then I’ll live a much more fulling, joyful and purposeful life.  And who wouldn’t want that???

I don’t know your circumstances, but I’d be willing to bet they are unfair. And the only good news I have for you is that you get to make the choice in how you will respond to those circumstances.

Choose wisely.