Yesterday was horrible. Nothing bad happened, I was just in an emotional funk. I let my Monday carry over into my Tuesday. And all that remained from my Monday was frustration.
Monday was Gideon’s ABR (hearing test) and the results came back as expected… His hearing has gotten worse. He’s no longer considered to have moderate to severe loss; now it’s just severe. We knew when we got the PBD diagnosis last August that this would happen. So I wasn’t really surprised by the results on Monday, just frustrated.
Then yesterday morning started out with an unexpected visit from Gideon’s case worker. She came with his Tuesday morning therapist because at her last visit she noticed Gideon was hitting himself much harder. She was concerned because if this behavior is not re-directed, he’ll move on to eye gauging, head banging and lots of other self-destructive/sensory seeking behaviors. Like the hearing loss, this is something we knew could and probably would happen.
But to be reminded of things that are wrong with my son is defeating. And I feel like that’s all that happened Monday and Tuesday. Those two days were a constant reminder of a tiring and sad future.
As I was driving home from my mom and dad’s house yesterday, I lost it. Weeping and whaling, I turned the radio up- hoping my daughter wouldn’t notice…you can guess how well that worked out.
Not only did my 4 year old notice…but she said something I’ll never forget.
It was by no coincidence that the song One Thing Remains (by Kristian Stanfill) was playing at that particular moment; and this line was repeating over and over-
Your love never fails, never gives up
Never runs out on me
After the 3rd time it repeated, Laynie asked, “Mom, are you sad because Gideon is losing his hearing?” I shook my head yes. Then she sweetly said, “Mom, you know, my love never runs out either.”
Precious girl, sometimes I think she and Jesus are in cahoots. I so needed reassurance in that moment and how precious that God used Laynie to remind me of His love.
Of all the reminders I received over the last two days, that was the one I needed most. The past two days I’ve focused only on the negative. Thankfully my focus was re-directed to where it should always be. Jesus.
Yesterday ended with me being reminded of this truth.
He’s Higher than the mountains that you face.
He’s Stronger than the power of the grave.
He’s Constant in the trial and the change.
One Thing Remains- Him
Let this be all that remains when you lay your head down tonight.
My heart goes out to you and your family and sweet Gideon. I just cannot imagine the pain and I am impressed that you’re able to not only find comfort and hope in your religion but that you’re able to share it with all of us (friends and people you’ve never met). I will keep you and Gideon in my prayers and hope God continues to hold your hand and guide you through this journey. Gideon has touched my life and I look forward to your posts because they give me strength to overcome my daily parenting challenges. Thank you again and again for sharing your story.
Elizabeth, thank you so much for following my son’s journey. I so appreciate the encouragement and prayers we receive from friends and people we’ve never met. Since I started writing, I found so much peace in sharing what God’s been doing in our family. I’m so glad to know our journey has provided strength for your daily challenges. Being a parent is so hard!! I’m lifting you up in prayer right now- not just to get through another day, but to rejoice in it because of all He has done!! 🙂 Thanks again for taking the time to read and pray for us. God bless you and yours!!
My sweet girl. Words can never express the admiration I have for you and your family. I think about every day as you post here and on Face book. Your faith and courage amazes me. My love to you always. I am here for you. Sounds empty, but if you guys need anything, pls let us know. Forever
Thanks Wendy. We love you guys SO much!! Can’t wait to see you all soon!! 🙂
There has been a lot of crime where I live recently. Two stories that have stuck with me are two young, pregnant women who lost their husbands in two separate acts of violence. The grace that these two women have displayed has been so inspiring. Both expressed a desire to tell the men who killed their husbands about Christ and the love He still has for them. I think of you too, when I think of women displaying inspiring grace. It may not always feel like that, I am sure, but I know God has used you in my life. He and I are becoming reacquainted and I am so thankful for a loving God. Your family remains in my prayers. So glad He was able to use your daughter to give you comfort today.
Thank you Jonelle for your encouragement and kind words. That grace you speak of comes from God alone..He is so good! Isn’t it amazing what good can come from tragedy when we turn our eyes to Him? Those two women will radically change the world through their obedience to forgive. 🙂 I’m so glad to hear stories like these have helped you draw near to Him again. How blessed are we to freely receive salvation that cannot be earned? I still get teary eyed when I think about how Jesus died for me. Romans 5:8
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
God bless you and thanks again for following my son’s story.
Oh Sam, I am sitting here boo-hooing! You girl, are getting so many precious insights through all of your grief. Laynie, how precious she is and such a comfort to you I know. My heart grieves for you and Kevin, but you lift me up with your insights. Keep them coming, you are a blessing to all. Love you.
Anita
Thanks Anita. We love you very much. 🙂
The story of the two women who forgave their husband’s killers reminds me of when my elderly mother was severely attacked by an intruder in her home late one night. As he pilfered through her home, she followed him, praying and telling him he needed Jesus and that Jesus would forgive him, as she would also. After numerous warnings from the man telling her to hush, God soon changed his heart. He wept as they sat on her living room couch and she led him to the Savior. He left, was never caught. I was angry about the attack. On the way to the emergency room to have her checked out, she was calm, “We must forgive,” she said. I still have trouble understanding the why. Such a Godly woman, why did this happen? I only hope his confession of Christ is real. I may never know this side of Heaven, but I will know some day in the beyond. Sam, you will also know some day how God has used you to fulfill his plan in your life and in the lives of so many others.
Anita
Wow!! Thank you Anita for sharing that story! What a powerful testimony your mother has. So many of us struggle with forgiveness. Your moms obedience obviously has and will continue to impact the lives of many. Truly some things we will never know this side of Heaven. I know God doesn’t waste a single moment of our lives- the good the bad or the ugly. It will all be used for His glory. Romans 8:28
It’s okay to be angry and frustrated, too. This is hard. Life has dealt you something that is in many ways a blessing and in many ways a challenge that moms aren’t wired for. Let yourself be emotional. It will get better.
Thanks Patricia! 🙂
Your transparency is so convicting in a good way. God is using you with every blog you post. Love you!
Thanks Brenda!! 🙂