It’s hard to believe this is our 9th Christmas with Gideon. After his diagnosis, I never thought we’d get one Christmas with him; but here we are celebrating the birth of Christ for the ninth time with our little man!

I’m not gonna lie. This Christmas was rough. Kevin and I were up till 1:30 am getting all the things ready. Like usual, we waited until the last minute to assemble ride toys & electronics. But it’s never been that big of a deal…. until this year. Unfortunately for Kevin, Nya’s ride toy might as well have come from IKEA. Kevin spent hours building that thing from the ground up. Meanwhile, the new electronics proved my age and left me feeling uneducated.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

We laughed while saying all these things should come with a disclaimer on the box that says, “Estimated assembly time- several hours.. Do not attempt on Christmas Eve!”

We were asleep for just over an hour when Gideon woke up with a dirty diaper. Did he go back to sleep? Nope. Not until 6:30 am. The word exhausted doesn’t even begin to describe us at this point.

Of course our other children were up around 8 am. Praise God for Laynie! She made the littles Christmas pancakes (red and green with whipped cream and sprinkles), giving us an additional hour of sleep. God knew we needed her first in the birth order! Could you imagine if Josiah was our oldest!? Lol.

Christmas 2022 was the first Christmas we opened presents without Gideon present. He slept till noon and we felt bad making the other kids wait for him. Plus, he still doesn’t grasp the concept of opening a gift. He hates the feeling of paper and would much rather just be held. So it worked out.

Nevertheless, guilt (and fear) hit me hard as I watched my babies open their gifts while Gideon slept in. It was a visual reminder of what Christmas will look like one day, when Gideon is gone. It’s not a thought that enters my mind as much anymore because Gideon continues to defy the odds. But every now and then, especially when deprived of sleep, my mind goes there and I have to remind myself of the promises of our God.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light & momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts you.” Isaiah 26:3

“For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.” Hebrews 13:14

The truth is that none of us are promised tomorrow. Even though I may think Gideon’s life is shorter than most, any one of my children could be called home first. It’s why we love big every day. It’s why we seek reconciliation and forgiveness quickly. It’s why we make the most of Jesus as well as every single moment we have, whether it’s a holiday or not.

Jesus is the reason for the hope that we have.

Lord, teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom. -Psalm 90:12