I can talk with anyone about my son’s genetic disorder. Answering the hard questions about his life and what we will be facing in the future has almost become second nature. I throw around big medical terminology and speak about his shortened life with minimal emotion and almost no tears. It’s almost as if I’m telling someone else’s story.

It’s easy now to answer the hard questions… Except when those questions come from our 4-year-old daughter.

I’m not sure what it is exactly…but for some reason, I can’t always put on my poker face. I feel the need to be more real and more honest about Gideon with her, than anyone else.

Laynie’s question tonight: When will Gideon walk? 

If you’ve met my daughter, then you know that there’s no beating around the bush…if she asks a question, she expects a (logical) answer… When?

As my eyes locked with Kevin’s, I paused before giving her my honest answer- “I’m not sure that he will…but if he does walk, we’ve been told it will be around age 3 for him.” As the confusion settled in on her face, Kevin added, “Do you understand what that means if Gideon does not ever walk? That means he’ll use a wheelchair, like Aunt Traci.”

Laynie replied with a sense of urgency, “Oh I really hope he walks!!!” After we assured her we were hoping for the same, she said- “Let’s pray that God will let him walk!!”

After she led us in prayer, she was back to her shenanigans as usual. She was cutting up and taking photos of her daddy holding her toys. (He’s gonna kill me for posting this photo!)

But I didn’t bounce back to the routine as quickly. My mind lingered in the future…that place I don’t often visit. I dread the thought that my son’s life will be so difficult. I selfishly long for the normal future where diaper changing ends and back talking begins. I want my little boy to experience the sights and sounds of all that God has created here on earth. But we don’t get to choose our circumstances.

I’ve asked God some hard questions myself over the past year and a half and I must admit that I don’t always like the answer…sometimes I don’t even get an answer. Maybe you’ve experienced this as well.

When I tucked Laynie in bed tonight, she asked me one more hard question. She asked if she had the genetic disorder like her brother. With my poker face back on, I told her no. I don’t think a 4 year old (even my 4 year old) could possibly understand that she might be a carrier of the mutated gene.

Just like I don’t want her to worry about the future, I’m consistently convicted that God doesn’t want us to either. Maybe you’re like my Laynie and with a pure heart, you’ve got some real hard questions and you want them answered.

Whether God answers fully or not all…I’ve learned this: He doesn’t want us to live in fear of what could happen. He wants you and me to trust that He will redeem whatever does happen. We can’t change anything by living in fear. Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? (Luke 12:25).

I like Matthew 10:29-31, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

I love that Laynie can come to me with her questions. I think as parents we all want our children to feel like they can ask us anything…even the hard questions!! Answering honestly is important, but we have to take in account their maturity when we answer.

So why wouldn’t we expect God to do the same with us?

I found some index cards the other day while I was cleaning out my nightstand drawer. I wrote them to myself a little over 5 years ago when I found myself pregnant and single.

I remember sitting at my desk early one morning (I was a teacher at the time) when I put pen to paper. I can still remember the despair, fear and hopelessness I felt the very moment I wrote those words. A good friend had sent me that quote and I thought to myself, I better write that down where I can see it every day. Then on the other side of that card, I jotted down some truths to help me fight off the lies that Satan and this world had embedded in me for the past 25 years.

I’m not sure where you are today. Maybe you’ve accepted the lies of this world and you need some major truth in your life. God’s Word is His love letter to encourage us; make time to read it! No matter what you’re facing, you can walk in confidence that the Lord is faithful, even when we are faithless. (2 Timothy 2:13) He knows what’s best. The storm you’re in, this season of uncertainty…God’s already got the ending worked out. (Romans 8:28)

Here’s the other card I found… please read it as if it was written for you.

I needed to read that card today just as much as I did 5 years ago. Gideon’s circumstances have put me right back in a season of uncertainty…much like the one I was in before. The difference is that I’ve seen how God has restored my mess and I know that He’ll be just as faithful to redeem this. Even when we bury our son in the future… I know and trust that somehow He will bring good from it.

^“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” Romans 8:26-28 The Message

I’m confident He’ll do the same for you.

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For women who need help combating the lies of this world, I recommend the book Lies Women Believe by Nancy DeMoss (in addition to the Bible, of course.)

Today was an amazing whirlwind. My little girl had her first dance recital & she did awesome! She was the cutest one on that stage! Okay, I’m obviously biased..

I say it was a whirlwind, because I volunteered as a class mom. So basically from 11 am (dress rehearsal) until 5 pm (finale) my life was… well…chaotic. Me and one other mom took care of 3 different costume/make up/hair changes for 16, 4-5 year old girls. We took them on and off stage 4 times (counting finale) and don’t forget we had to distribute snacks and take them potty as needed.

I say all that not because I want a huge pat on the back (okay, maybe a back rub from the hubs), but because there were several other moms there doing just as much, if not more. And because of that, several little girls (boys) had a precious & successful recital. It made me think of this quote I heard several years ago-  We can’t do everything, but we can all do something. 

Looking back on 2013, I often tell Kevin- I can’t believe we made it through. There were so many unknowns, so many devastating blows… but as I think back, I distinctly remember God using others to meet our needs in the exact moments when we needed them. Like the time I prayed, God just let me sleep! That next day I got a call from a friend who asked if she could come over so I could take a nap. Or the time Kevin said, “I don’t know how we’re going to pay for all this.” Not long after, a teacher approached him about a fundraiser.  Or even the times I thought, God I just don’t want to cook. It seemed like people came out of nowhere with gift cards and freezer meals! By the grace of God and the love of others, our needs have yet to go unmet.

Whether it’s a recital or benefit or just a family struggling, any time a few people choose to do something, so much will get done and so many needs will be met. So I want to encourage you to join me in looking for ways to bless those around you. Maybe you can help someone with a financial gift. Maybe you know someone who could really use a home cooked meal. Chances are many people could benefit greatly by the most precious gift of your time.

Everyone has a need. We cannot meet all the needs of everyone. But we can all do something to help someone.

Don’t know where to start? Here’s some options:

1) A  very sweet couple is selling shirts to help cover the cost of adopting a baby. They’re two days away from their deadline and need to sell about 40 more shirts. Can you buy one or two to help?

2) I know a sweet mom who is working and going to school. She has to write a paper, but she needs people to take a short SURVEY for the research part. Can you spare 20 minutes?

3) There’s lots of new parents out there who would LOVE a date night. Could you baby sit for them? (And don’t charge them!!)

4) Who do you know that could use some prayer? No excuses on this one…everybody could use a friend interceding on their behalf! Can you commit to praying for someone for the next month?

Thanks to my readers for loving us. I’m praying for you tonight, that you will seek opportunities to continue loving those around you, just as you have loved us.

We can all do something.