Today was full of ups and downs. Gideon had a rough day. I think he was trying to tell me his teeth hurt??? 🙂

Then Laynie found out her Mimi’s dog, Chloe died. This actually went a million times better than when her fish died. Of course, that’s probably because she buried the fish not the dog.  (Thank you mom and dad for handling that before we got there!)

So naturally when a child loses a pet you’re supposed to buy them another one, right? Well that’s NOT what we did. Instead my mom and I took our teary eyed girl to Kid-to-Kid to buy her a new dress. (This worked REALLY well for all those who are wondering.)

But when we left the store today, we left with more than just 2 dresses, a bow and a princess castle… We left with this backpack carrier for Gideon. And the amazing part is that we didn’t even pay for it.

I tried this on, with Gideon in it, and had been walking around the store asking my mom “How’s his head look? Can he breath? Does he look comfortable?” I had mentioned to the store clerk (so she wouldn’t think I was completely crazy) that he had a genetic disorder and had a hard time holding his head up.

So after I removed him from the carrier, I went out to the car to grab his diaper bag (because, of course, he pooped) and a lady named Sissy stopped me. She told me that she over heard me talking about Gideon and she wanted to encourage me. She had helped take care of two children with disabilities herself. We talked for about 5 minutes before Gideon had had enough, and I thanked her and headed to the bathroom to change my little messy man.

When I came back to the register to pay for the carrier, the store clerk looked as though her dog had just died too. With tears rolling down her face, she said, “Your carrier has been paid for.” As my eyes welled up, I looked out the window just in time to see Sissy driving off.

That kind of gesture makes me shout, Praise Jesus! Not only was I blessed by it, but the ladies behind the counter were obviously touched and who knows about the other customers! I can only imagine how far the ripple effect will go. Those gestures are contagious. And it started with Sissy.

But that’s not the only stranger who showed kindness to my family today. In the mail this evening, I received a letter and a check for Gideon’s donation account. It was from a woman I have never met. Her name is Melissa and she is the president of a local MOMS Club. She heard about Gideon through Lakepointe’s preschool art show auction, and she decided their club could do something for our family.

I want to publicly thank Sissy, Melissa, & her MOMS Club today. I was having a rough morning and your random acts of kindness made me realize (yet again) all the good that’s going on in our world. So many people are being the hands and feet of Jesus…loving others by whatever means they can.

Let’s all go out tomorrow and do the same for someone we’ve never met.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.. (Hebrews 10:24)

There’s a great song by Matthew West called All the Broken Pieces. The entire song is amazing but I really love this part-

“‘Cause I can take even your greatest mistake
Every scar, every tear, every break
And I can turn it into something
More beautiful than you have ever seen”

Five years ago I made several mistakes that led to an unplanned pregnancy. And to make matters worse, the baby’s father abandoned me because of it. Not many people know this about me, but I personally wrestled with the idea of having an abortion. I just couldn’t foresee how any of this would possibly turn out for good. Since either choice would be life changing, I decided to put myself in counseling…immediately.

Because I didn’t hide my circumstances and because of my amazing family and supportive friends, I was able (and accountable) to make the decision with confidence to trust God. And I’m so thankful I had the encouragement to see the journey through.

When I tell you God is good, it comes from a place of wholehearted sincerity and experience. I was so broken, so scared, and so completely shattered. Even though I had a support system, the man I loved wasn’t by my side; so I still felt all alone. But what I learned at that time in my life has stuck with me to this very day-  When we get to a place where God is all we have, it’s then we finally realize, that He is all we will ever truly need. 

Today Kevin (that man who abandoned me) and I celebrate 3 years of marriage. (Happy Anniversary babe!!) Our story is not the norm, but it is one of redemption. In fact, God is the only reason Our Story turned out the way it did.

Some of you reading right now may have recently been broken. Or perhaps you have old scars you’ve been hiding. Maybe your circumstances are such that the tears won’t stop and the wounds won’t heal. What is it in your life that you think God could not possibly reconcile? Can I make you a promise? There is nothing…and I mean nothing, that God cannot rebuild, redeem, or restore… But we have to trust Him to do so…And then we actually have to let Him work. (Romans 8:28)

When we hand over the reigns,  the most amazing thing happens. He takes those broken pieces and puts them back together into something more beautiful than we’ve ever seen.

Our worst mistakes can turn out to be our biggest blessings.

I want to encourage you to make the choice to trust God with your broken pieces. It’s hard to let go and let God take over. But I promise you’ll be glad you did..

We sure are.

I can talk with anyone about my son’s genetic disorder. Answering the hard questions about his life and what we will be facing in the future has almost become second nature. I throw around big medical terminology and speak about his shortened life with minimal emotion and almost no tears. It’s almost as if I’m telling someone else’s story.

It’s easy now to answer the hard questions… Except when those questions come from our 4-year-old daughter.

I’m not sure what it is exactly…but for some reason, I can’t always put on my poker face. I feel the need to be more real and more honest about Gideon with her, than anyone else.

Laynie’s question tonight: When will Gideon walk? 

If you’ve met my daughter, then you know that there’s no beating around the bush…if she asks a question, she expects a (logical) answer… When?

As my eyes locked with Kevin’s, I paused before giving her my honest answer- “I’m not sure that he will…but if he does walk, we’ve been told it will be around age 3 for him.” As the confusion settled in on her face, Kevin added, “Do you understand what that means if Gideon does not ever walk? That means he’ll use a wheelchair, like Aunt Traci.”

Laynie replied with a sense of urgency, “Oh I really hope he walks!!!” After we assured her we were hoping for the same, she said- “Let’s pray that God will let him walk!!”

After she led us in prayer, she was back to her shenanigans as usual. She was cutting up and taking photos of her daddy holding her toys. (He’s gonna kill me for posting this photo!)

But I didn’t bounce back to the routine as quickly. My mind lingered in the future…that place I don’t often visit. I dread the thought that my son’s life will be so difficult. I selfishly long for the normal future where diaper changing ends and back talking begins. I want my little boy to experience the sights and sounds of all that God has created here on earth. But we don’t get to choose our circumstances.

I’ve asked God some hard questions myself over the past year and a half and I must admit that I don’t always like the answer…sometimes I don’t even get an answer. Maybe you’ve experienced this as well.

When I tucked Laynie in bed tonight, she asked me one more hard question. She asked if she had the genetic disorder like her brother. With my poker face back on, I told her no. I don’t think a 4 year old (even my 4 year old) could possibly understand that she might be a carrier of the mutated gene.

Just like I don’t want her to worry about the future, I’m consistently convicted that God doesn’t want us to either. Maybe you’re like my Laynie and with a pure heart, you’ve got some real hard questions and you want them answered.

Whether God answers fully or not all…I’ve learned this: He doesn’t want us to live in fear of what could happen. He wants you and me to trust that He will redeem whatever does happen. We can’t change anything by living in fear. Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? (Luke 12:25).

I like Matthew 10:29-31, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

I love that Laynie can come to me with her questions. I think as parents we all want our children to feel like they can ask us anything…even the hard questions!! Answering honestly is important, but we have to take in account their maturity when we answer.

So why wouldn’t we expect God to do the same with us?