I don’t know where you are today…but this song by Casting Crowns… someone besides me needs to hear it now!

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when youre tired of fighting
Chained by your control
Theres freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when youre on your knees and answers seem so far away
Youre not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
Im on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
Youll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
Youll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, youll understand
Im painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where youll find Me
And where you are, Ill hold your heart
Ill hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who wont let go

What a blessing to be reminded that not a tear is wasted. If we’ll only fix our eyes on the cross, we’ll see that our world is not falling apart, it’s falling into place…. because we are loving held and will find rest in the arms of the God who won’t let go!!

I might need to listen to this song everyday.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I can sum this one up with one…

Redeemed.

This picture was taken 5 years ago today. If you know our story, then you know that Kevin and I truly hated each other in that photo. The only reason I asked him to pose for it is so that our daughter would have at least one photo with both of her parents on the day she was born.

It’s nothing short of God’s handiwork, that Kevin is now my husband and today we celebrated that little blessing as she turned five years old.

So quickly she went from this….

To this.

Ever child’s birthday is special, but this day will always be unique for us because God used this little girl to change the direction our lives had been going. When I found myself pregnant, un-wed, & alone, I couldn’t possibly see how God was going to use those circumstances for good. And so I considered all my options. After all, Kevin was dating other women while I was carrying his child. It’s scary to think I might have chosen differently simply because I thought it wasn’t fair for me. I’m so thankful I listened to Godly guidance from others… because by God’s grace, He took the ugliest of circumstances and worked them not only for His glory…but also for our good!

This little girl, who was not planned, played her heart out today with a group of amazing kiddos at her Frozen party. As I watched the kids play and the parents visit, I couldn’t help but notice there were bonds and relationships established that would not exist today if not for Laynie. She’s a big part of God’s handiwork and what He’s doing through our lives.

So to my Laynie,

Happy 5th Birthday. I don’t know if you can ever understand how you’ve impacted my life. I want you to know, that even though I didn’t plan for your life, God did. He knew the sinful choices your father and I would make and yet He lovingly knit you together in my womb. Jesus saved my soul years ago, but you Laynie girl…you saved me from myself. Through you, God taught me (and your father) the meaning of selflessness. And one day, when you’re much much older, you’ll know our story. And I hope you’ll be proud. Not of how we messed up and hurt one another, but of how we humbly submitted and allowed God to redeem the mess we made of things. I hope you’ll see God’s handiwork every time you look in the mirror. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Your life has a purpose, because God has great plans for you. Your father and I are so unworthy, and yet so incredibly thankful that we get to be a part of it.  

We love you more than words could ever say,

-Mom

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If you don’t know our story, we went from Jerry Springer to Life with a Happy Heart. But it didn’t happen over night because  we struggled to let go of our selfishness. Finally, we began to make intentional choices to see one another the way Jesus sees us. And that is when God had the freedom to move in big ways. I hope you’ll find time to watch.

http://vimeo.com/65570505

I turned 31 today.

I had actually forgotten today was my birthday until my husband wished me a happy birthday. I think this is the norm once we get passed the “my life is over now that I’m 30” bit. Seriously, my birthday just don’t seem as important now. This is actually the first time I’ve forgotten. Maybe I’m finally getting over myself. Or maybe old age is settling in and I’m in denial. It’s probably both.

Laynie’s birthday is tomorrow, so with that (and Thanksgiving) I think my attention has been else where. I didn’t do anything for myself today. In fact, two sweet friends of mine from college had 2 free tickets to Disney on Ice and I gladly took Laynie for some mommy-daughter time.

She was excited that she was getting another early birthday present. In fact, before we went, her Aunt Traci gave her another Elsa dress….this one, for everyday wear of course! So with her new dress and shoes (I forgot to mention the shoes), we headed to a 2 hour ice skating, sing along extravaganza. And honestly, I’m not sure which one of us had more fun.

I did complain on the way out as I reluctantly purchased her a $12 snow cone in a fifty cent Elsa cup. Had it not been her birthday this weekend I would have gladly watched her cry all the way to the car…Blame Dave Ramsey, he taught me how to say no.

We left immediately to a play date that had already been on the calendar and we left immediately from there to go to church. And of course, I had to stop at the grocery store on the way home because we left our fridge empty as we left for Thanksgiving. I wasn’t kidding when I said I didn’t do anything for myself today.

But I think that’s the point as we get older. We don’t wait for one day of the year to do something for ourselves. We take care of those needs as they come. And my needs were more than met this morning right after my daughter woke up. With the sweetest, sleepiest face…and the most awful morning breath, my little Laynie sat in my lap and asked me, “Mommy, is tomorrow my birthday?” I smiled and said “Yes baby, it is.” And without another word spoken, a smile came across her face. She opened her mouth and with morning breath and all, she began to sing…”Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Saaaaaaaam. Happy birthday to you!”

We could’ve wrapped the whole day up with that moment right there. I’ve waited 31 years for the best birthday, and I got it. Because finally I realized, it’s not all about me.