It’s funny how a few  small events can ruin your outlook on something. When friends messaged me yesterday asking how our Thanksgiving went, my initial response was “It was rough.” But when I look back, examining all aspects, was it really… rough?

Not at all! In fact, we had a great thanksgiving and there were so many things to be thankful for! There was lots of laughter among friends and family. There was a ton of food (my mother-in-law spoils us)! My only genuine complaint was that there were not enough rolls because I didn’t get a fourth one!

So why was my initial outlook so negative? Why was I finding it rough to give thanks??

Here’s what happened. The first night we stayed with my in-laws, Gideon was up twice during the night. The second time he was up, it took him an hour to go back to sleep. And of course, he was up at 5 am ready for solids (all of which he puked up just moments after finishing). So the second night we decided to get a hotel. Unfortunately, Gideon didn’t sleep any better, so again we were up for a good part of the night.

Now here’s a little not-so-fun fact about me: I. Need. Sleeeeep!!!  I mean lots of sleep. If I don’t get 8 hours, I’m pretty much the most horrible person you’ve ever met. (So if we cross paths in public, and I’m acting like a witch with a capital B, you can assume I didn’t get much sleep the night before.) But just that one aspect almost ruined my memories of this year’s Thanksgiving holiday. How sad is that?!?

I once heard that for every complaint you have, find three things you are thankful for.. So here’s my thankful list to combat my two sleepless nights over thanksgiving:

• I took a 3 hour nap on Thanksgiving Day
• I didn’t have to cook for two days (many should be thankful for that!)
• I didn’t have to hold Gideon as much because friends & family happily took turns
• I ate more fudge than I care to publicly admit
• I actually had adult conversations that lasted longer than 2 minutes
• When G woke up, my husband got up to help me care for him
• I slept in a bed that I didn’t have to make (thank you Country Suites Inn)
• I  used as much hot water as my heart desired
• I took a 2 mile walk
• I didn’t have to do laundry when I got home because my SIL did ours before we left

When you reflect back on your Thanksgiving Day, I hope you can also say that it was great. If you can’t, search your heart for the reason why. If you’re like me, your reasons are probably just selfish. But don’t worry, once you list out 3 positives for each negative experience, chances are you’ll see the joy that was there all along. And hopefully you’ll feel thankful.

Just to be an over-achiever, I’ve listed some other reasons I’m thankful.

• I serve a God who loves me so much that He sent his Son Jesus to die for me
• I live in the richest nation that affords me many freedoms & opportunities
• My husband is an amazing man who loves the Lord & leads our family spiritually
• My daughter Laynie is joyful & has a heart that is bigger than Texas
• My son Gideon is extremely healthy (given his terminal diagnosis)
• Gideon doesn’t currently have a feeding tube or seizures or medications
• I have the most amazing & supportive parents, sister, and in-laws….EVER!
• My husband has a job that supports me staying home with our children
• Our friends would move mountains to be there for us
• Our church family…well, there just are no words for how wonderful they are
• We have a roof over our heads & food in our pantry
• We have enough money to pay our bills & our cars are paid for
• There’s no lack of opportunity to serve and love the people God places in our lives
• God’s given me breath in my lungs to praise Him for another day

For all these and more, I’m thankful.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Philippians 4:4

Whenever I had my first child, I subscribed to one of those sites that sends you emails once a week about your baby’s progress. It was a wonderful tool with Laynie because she was always doing more than what the site suggested. So naturally when Gideon’s due date got close, I set up the automatic emails again.

When Gideon arrived into world, every doctor suggested something was wrong, but no one could diagnosis him. So like most people in my situation, I was in a bit of denial. Around month three of receiving those emails, I found myself weeping every time I read them. He was so far behind already and I just couldn’t handle facing that truth. I quickly realized those emails were dragging me further into a pit of despair. But it wasn’t until we got Gideon’s diagnosis (at 7 months old) that I actually  unsubscribed from the site. It was so nice to open my inbox and not be reminded of what my child wasn’t accomplishing.

Interestingly enough, I continued to randomly receive those emails; they usually came about every other month. Most of the time I chose not to read them, and would again go through the process to unsubscribe. Nevertheless, they kept coming and eventually I began to read them again. But this time I noticed that I was receiving these emails when I was already having an emotionally rough day.

This morning I chose to sleep late and in doing so I missed my quiet time, didn’t have time to shower, and had to rush to get Gideon to therapy. We got stuck in traffic and as I sat there frustrated, I opened my email and this was at the top of the list.

I showed this to my husband and we just laughed. Gideon may never do any of those things and if he does, we are certainly a long way off.  Satan will bring us down by any means necessary, won’t he?  All the more reason we need to be on alert. 1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 

I’m very aware of my weak areas. I think that’s why I continue to randomly receive these emails. Satan loves to attack my thoughts and emotions. In fact, I remember after Gideon turned one, I started volunteering in the church nursery every other month. This wasn’t a bad thing, but Satan used it as another reminder of what my child was not able to do. After all, kids Gideon’s age were already walking and he couldn’t even sit up on his own.  I realized that unless I daily developed my relationship with the Lord, I will be at risk of falling back into that pit of despair. John 15:5 says “Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”  

And that’s the truth isn’t it? Apart from God we can’t do anything. I can’t daily raise a child that I know someday I will bury, apart from God. There’s just no other way to make it through another day.

I feel the need to close by saying Gideon is who God made him to be… and that’s hard for people to understand. I’ve wrestled with that truth myself. I wish I could tell you that I knew the answer. The fall of man, free will, sin…. there’s lots of probable explanations. But not even the righteous man Job received a reason for his suffering, so why should I?

Truthfully, we’ll never know this side of Heaven why Gideon has to suffer with this disorder. But I can promise you this, God will redeem his circumstances. (Romans 8:28) And God will be glorified because Gideon’s life will reach the masses. And as Satan seeks to destroy me by any means necessary,  I will tell the story of God’s all sufficient grace until there is no breath left in my body…and I too will do so by any means necessary.

It’s been almost 2 years since we last visited an orthopedic specialist at Scottish Rite. We were originally referred shortly after Gideon was born because his toes were significantly curled in. (His big toe almost touched his littlest toe!) The doctor then didn’t seem too worried about his feet and suggested everything would straighten out once Gideon began to bear weight.

This past Wednesday we had a follow up appointment just to see how Gideon’s feet were progressing now that he’s starting to bear more weight during therapy. The doctor gave a great report and even suggested that Gideon doesn’t need his AFO’s (the braces that go in his shoes). That’s great news because Gideon hates them.

During the appointment we were able to ask about an economically friendly stander (aka: one that doesn’t cost thousands of dollars) for Gideon. We didn’t know this at the time, but the hospital has a loan program. And since they didn’t have the stander, they loaned us a type of walker for Gideon to try out. (See photo of above.)

We’ve used it a handful of times since Wednesday and unfortunately we will probably be taking it back sooner rather than later. Since Gideon has no vision there’s no real desire to make the walker go. But that’s not really our biggest concern.  Because Gideon has such poor muscle tone and almost no fat, we are concerned about skin breakdown (pressure sores); especially around the area where he has a sacral dimple.

The black piece you see in the photo is really meant to “catch” kids if their legs buckle when walking. Unfortunately, Gideon uses it more like a seat and there’s not much support for his skinny, little-old-man-like booty.

We were fortunate that the hospital also loaned us a tumble form chair and tray!!

We have a tumble form chair that ECI had loaned us, but it didn’t have the proper straps to hold Gideon in place nor did it have the tray. I’m most excited about these two items, because they provide lots of options for us. Trying to play with Gideon is often times difficult. I’m usually holding him and a toy, all while trying to get him to manipulate the toy. Now I can sit both down and work with Gideon on reaching for the toys on his tray. We’ve been loaned these items for 6-12 months, at which time we can return them or ask for a loan extension.

I’m hoping to meet with a rep from Freedom Designs before Christmas. I really want to get Gideon his wheelchair. I’ll keep you updated on how all that goes!!

We are very thankful for so many blessings as we head into the holiday season.