There’s a great song by Matthew West called All the Broken Pieces. The entire song is amazing but I really love this part-

“‘Cause I can take even your greatest mistake
Every scar, every tear, every break
And I can turn it into something
More beautiful than you have ever seen”

Five years ago I made several mistakes that led to an unplanned pregnancy. And to make matters worse, the baby’s father abandoned me because of it. Not many people know this about me, but I personally wrestled with the idea of having an abortion. I just couldn’t foresee how any of this would possibly turn out for good. Since either choice would be life changing, I decided to put myself in counseling…immediately.

Because I didn’t hide my circumstances and because of my amazing family and supportive friends, I was able (and accountable) to make the decision with confidence to trust God. And I’m so thankful I had the encouragement to see the journey through.

When I tell you God is good, it comes from a place of wholehearted sincerity and experience. I was so broken, so scared, and so completely shattered. Even though I had a support system, the man I loved wasn’t by my side; so I still felt all alone. But what I learned at that time in my life has stuck with me to this very day-  When we get to a place where God is all we have, it’s then we finally realize, that He is all we will ever truly need. 

Today Kevin (that man who abandoned me) and I celebrate 3 years of marriage. (Happy Anniversary babe!!) Our story is not the norm, but it is one of redemption. In fact, God is the only reason Our Story turned out the way it did.

Some of you reading right now may have recently been broken. Or perhaps you have old scars you’ve been hiding. Maybe your circumstances are such that the tears won’t stop and the wounds won’t heal. What is it in your life that you think God could not possibly reconcile? Can I make you a promise? There is nothing…and I mean nothing, that God cannot rebuild, redeem, or restore… But we have to trust Him to do so…And then we actually have to let Him work. (Romans 8:28)

When we hand over the reigns,  the most amazing thing happens. He takes those broken pieces and puts them back together into something more beautiful than we’ve ever seen.

Our worst mistakes can turn out to be our biggest blessings.

I want to encourage you to make the choice to trust God with your broken pieces. It’s hard to let go and let God take over. But I promise you’ll be glad you did..

We sure are.

I can talk with anyone about my son’s genetic disorder. Answering the hard questions about his life and what we will be facing in the future has almost become second nature. I throw around big medical terminology and speak about his shortened life with minimal emotion and almost no tears. It’s almost as if I’m telling someone else’s story.

It’s easy now to answer the hard questions… Except when those questions come from our 4-year-old daughter.

I’m not sure what it is exactly…but for some reason, I can’t always put on my poker face. I feel the need to be more real and more honest about Gideon with her, than anyone else.

Laynie’s question tonight: When will Gideon walk? 

If you’ve met my daughter, then you know that there’s no beating around the bush…if she asks a question, she expects a (logical) answer… When?

As my eyes locked with Kevin’s, I paused before giving her my honest answer- “I’m not sure that he will…but if he does walk, we’ve been told it will be around age 3 for him.” As the confusion settled in on her face, Kevin added, “Do you understand what that means if Gideon does not ever walk? That means he’ll use a wheelchair, like Aunt Traci.”

Laynie replied with a sense of urgency, “Oh I really hope he walks!!!” After we assured her we were hoping for the same, she said- “Let’s pray that God will let him walk!!”

After she led us in prayer, she was back to her shenanigans as usual. She was cutting up and taking photos of her daddy holding her toys. (He’s gonna kill me for posting this photo!)

But I didn’t bounce back to the routine as quickly. My mind lingered in the future…that place I don’t often visit. I dread the thought that my son’s life will be so difficult. I selfishly long for the normal future where diaper changing ends and back talking begins. I want my little boy to experience the sights and sounds of all that God has created here on earth. But we don’t get to choose our circumstances.

I’ve asked God some hard questions myself over the past year and a half and I must admit that I don’t always like the answer…sometimes I don’t even get an answer. Maybe you’ve experienced this as well.

When I tucked Laynie in bed tonight, she asked me one more hard question. She asked if she had the genetic disorder like her brother. With my poker face back on, I told her no. I don’t think a 4 year old (even my 4 year old) could possibly understand that she might be a carrier of the mutated gene.

Just like I don’t want her to worry about the future, I’m consistently convicted that God doesn’t want us to either. Maybe you’re like my Laynie and with a pure heart, you’ve got some real hard questions and you want them answered.

Whether God answers fully or not all…I’ve learned this: He doesn’t want us to live in fear of what could happen. He wants you and me to trust that He will redeem whatever does happen. We can’t change anything by living in fear. Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? (Luke 12:25).

I like Matthew 10:29-31, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

I love that Laynie can come to me with her questions. I think as parents we all want our children to feel like they can ask us anything…even the hard questions!! Answering honestly is important, but we have to take in account their maturity when we answer.

So why wouldn’t we expect God to do the same with us?

I found some index cards the other day while I was cleaning out my nightstand drawer. I wrote them to myself a little over 5 years ago when I found myself pregnant and single.

I remember sitting at my desk early one morning (I was a teacher at the time) when I put pen to paper. I can still remember the despair, fear and hopelessness I felt the very moment I wrote those words. A good friend had sent me that quote and I thought to myself, I better write that down where I can see it every day. Then on the other side of that card, I jotted down some truths to help me fight off the lies that Satan and this world had embedded in me for the past 25 years.

I’m not sure where you are today. Maybe you’ve accepted the lies of this world and you need some major truth in your life. God’s Word is His love letter to encourage us; make time to read it! No matter what you’re facing, you can walk in confidence that the Lord is faithful, even when we are faithless. (2 Timothy 2:13) He knows what’s best. The storm you’re in, this season of uncertainty…God’s already got the ending worked out. (Romans 8:28)

Here’s the other card I found… please read it as if it was written for you.

I needed to read that card today just as much as I did 5 years ago. Gideon’s circumstances have put me right back in a season of uncertainty…much like the one I was in before. The difference is that I’ve seen how God has restored my mess and I know that He’ll be just as faithful to redeem this. Even when we bury our son in the future… I know and trust that somehow He will bring good from it.

^“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” Romans 8:26-28 The Message

I’m confident He’ll do the same for you.

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For women who need help combating the lies of this world, I recommend the book Lies Women Believe by Nancy DeMoss (in addition to the Bible, of course.)